Shhh... Mommy's Hiding

Feeling Very "deja vu" right now

2011-10-17T23:09:00.000-04:00

First things first. I don't think I've written since starting school! Things are going really well. My weeks are SO hectic though between school, the boys' schools, housework, Andrew, etc etc. I don't think I really sit down at all during the week sometimes! Right now I have straight A's, although I know I just bombed my Micro biology exam and that will probably drop me to a B in that class. I'm trying not to dwell on it and keep telling myself I'll bring it back to an A with the next exam.

I'm thinking of adding another online class next semester. Yes I'm crazy I know ;)

I took Andrew back to the doctor today because he STILL isn't any better from this cold he's had. It's going on 3 weeks now and he's still crying constantly and pulling his ears and is SO snotty. Low and behold the ear infection STILL hasn't gone away. After 2 rounds of antibiotics she said "it's the worst ear I've seen in a while" greeeeaat. She's doubling up his antiobiotics this time (he'll be taking 2 different ones) for the next week. If it's not any better after that (or if he gets another one soon) we'll be talking tubes. He's had 6 ear infections and he's almost 11 months old. Deja Vu... We went through this with Aidan AND Austin. They both ended up with tubes. So I'm totally expecting to have him seen for tubes soon.

Then I was talking to the doctor today about Andrew not using his legs when he crawls. He just kinda drags them behind him. And he doesn't pull to a stand or even stand while I'm holding him at all. Being that all 3 of my other boys were walking by 11 months I was/am curious if it was ok. She tried to get him to stand and then she kinda got this look on her face and said "hmm maybe we should have him looked at by early intervention" I said "really? Do you think that's necessary?" and she said "better to catch it early if it is anything, and it's free and they'll come to your house."

Yeah.....I know all about early intervention. A little to well if you ask me. So of course now I'm all flipped out because AGAIN I feel like this is Deja Vu. I just have the gut feeling they're going to come to my house, run their evaluations on him and then they'll say something about his speech (all he does at this point is "eh") and they'll say something about his gross motor (OMG I just totally typo'd "gross mother") because of his lack of leg use.

Deja Vu.

My first response to the doctor was "great, just what I need...another kid needing therapy" I know it probably wasn't the "politically correct" thing to say. But it's how I feel/felt. I haven't even gotten him evaluated and all I can think about is "I can't go through this again."
I just can't.....

On IEP's and Therapy

2011-04-12T23:13:00.000-04:00

Avery's preschool teacher has been basically "hinting" to me for the past week that the IEP meeting I have scheduled for Avery this Thursday is going to be tough for me. She has told me on more than one occasion "I can't find a single thing to put on Avery's IEP as a goal" and "I don't know if he's going to qualify on Thursday, since speech is his only issue." and also "He's a smart cookie! He knows everything! There's nothing on the 4 year curriculum that he needs to work on next year on his IEP"

What?!?! Are they serious??? That's awful funny, because both his private therapists and I disagree with that!

He has social issues! He wouldn't be in a social skills therapy group if he didn't have a problem socially with other children! Even the preschool teacher has said that Avery will choose where I wants to play and with who he wants to play with. He doesn't play WITH other children, but will play NEXT TO the other children. But because he'll go over to the same play area with them there's no social issues??

Avery's private therapist has said she would write up a paper to say what goals they need to include on his IEP for social issues, but we all know the school doesn't HAVE to accept her evaluation.

Avery has a diagnosis of Apraxia. But according to the school they don't accept any "diagnosis" until the kindergarten year. So are they saying that because they won't accept the diagnosis they don't have to give Avery the therapy he needs on his IEP?? I don't think so! "Speech isn't enough to qualify him" No "Speech" isn't, but APRAXIA is! His speech therapist at the school claims Avery is hitting sounds with "80-85% accuracy." Which would means he's met his "IEP goal" because they're "goal" is 80%. Except the fact that that is completely UNTRUE! The way they have worded it makes it seem that he's met his goals. In reality yes he does make certain sounds with 80-85% accuracy in a face to face therapy setting. In spontaneous speech and in more than 2-3 word sentances that drops DRAMATICALLY!

And I don't know how to argue anything they say because I don't know what they are going to say!! They sent home a "draft" of Avery's IEP for me to review before the meeting. But what they sent me is the same exact IEP I have from last years IEP meeting! I can't bring "proof" or any evidence to back what I'm saying if I don't know what proof or evidence I'm going to need!

Grr I'm so frustrated and feeling totally unprepared for his IEP meeting thursday.

Not enough hours in the day!

2011-04-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

There just never seems to be enough hours in the day! The boys are supposed to be in bed. I say that in italics because I can hear them talking and their bed creaking so I know they aren't sleeping and it's 11pm on a school night! UGH!

My niece has been in the PICU for just over 2 weeks now. It's to long of a story to get into, but my sister asked me to start a blog to keep everyone informed so if you haven't been keeping up with that blog you can read about the situation (from the begining) here...

Hailey's Healing Blog

Because of this I've spent a couple hours every other day at the hospital with my sister and my brother in law and niece. Add in the hours upon hours I spend at therapy with my 4 year old every week and the typical daily household chores and my other 3 boys and I'm getting burnt out quick. The house is suffering the boys are complaining because they want to go to the park or do something else and I just don't have the time to take them. I need more hours in the day!

Avery has started a social skills class now also on Monday nights. Because of the time of the social skills class I hit traffic both ways and I end up gone for almost 4 hours for a 1 hour class for him.

I think I'm totally due for a vacation!

Andrew flipped himself out of his swing tonight. He's now at the point where he needs to be strapped into everything because he just flips and rolls and wiggles. I can't believe I'm about to have to start baby proofing again! He's getting so big so fast!

Austin is acting out and I'm sure it's an attention thing with him. Not sure how to handle that either.

I think I'm just gonna end this blog entry before it gets into a pity party! It's just been one of those nights I guess.

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

2011-04-01T22:23:00.000-04:00

Well Hello There!!

Welcome to my "hiding spot"! Please close the door behind you and make sure not to let any kids in here! This is MY area! I sit in here and whisper so no one can find me.

My name is Heather and I'm a 30 year old mom to 4 boys. Aidan is 9, Austin is 7, Avery is 4 and Andrew is 4 months. All boys. All A names.

My 4 year old has speech apraxia, sensory integration, and social anxiety. His therapists go back and forth on whether he has an aspergers diagnosis or not. It will probably be a while before we truly know or not. Right now I spend a lot of my life at his therapies. He also attends a special needs preschool 4 days a week in the mornings.

Andrew was born in November and spent almost 2 weeks in the NICU. Although he was born "on time" according to my dates, the NICU team thought he was closer to 35-36 weeks and his lungs were not ready. He was on a ventilator for a while, then moved to a CPAP, then finally to nothing. It was a scary time for me. And it was absolute torture leaving him at the hospital when I was discharged. We made it though and now he's growing like a weed and doing so well. Just today he rolled from back to belly!

I participated last year in the UBP and couldn't wait to participate again this year! I LOVE meeting new people and especially new mom bloggers!

Grab a cup of coffee and stick around! I've been a slacker at posting lately, but I promise that will change!

The Austin Entry

2011-02-16T23:56:00.002-05:00

Austin had an appt today with an Oral Surgeon. At his dental appt a couple weeks ago the dentist noticed an "extra" adult tooth in the top front of his mouth. This tooth is facing the wrong direction (up towards his brain as opposed to pointing down into his mouth) so this tooth will never come in. Had they not taken an xray of that area (he was having pain up there) they would have never known it was there. So they referred us to an oral surgeon to see when/if it needed to be removed.

We went today and the oral surgeon actually believes looking at the xray that there are TWO extra teeth. What needs to happen though is he'll need to be put completely to sleep for them to take it out as they are in the bone requiring them to cut his upper palate open to get to them and remove them and then stitch his palate back shut. The oral surgeon thinks we should do the procedure sooner rather than later because he's afraid the extra teeth are preventing the adult teeth from coming in. He's also afraid the extra teeth COULD be fused to the adult teeth. If that is the case Austin would have to lose both adult front top teeth.

Not sure what would happen if that is the case. Hoping for best case scenerio right now and just that they go in, take out the extra tooth/teeth, and no issues come up.

We'll go in on March 17th and they will give Austin some nitrous. Then insert an IV to put him to sleep and do the procedure and then he'll be in the recovery room for 30-45 min and then come home. He'll have to miss 2 days of school. I scheduled the appt on a Thursday so that he would be home thursday and friday from school but it would still give him an additional 2 days to recoup. I also got a prescription for pain meds and an antibiotic for him to use after the procedure.

I think I'm more nervous then anything. He's completely and totally excited about it. The oral surgeon told him he will need to miss 2 days of school, eat ice cream and pudding and jello that first day and play video games or watch movies all day. That sold him! LOL

I'm gonna leave him being excited about it, because hopefully that will help the start of the procedure anyway. But I know what kind of pain he's going to be in afterwards (I had all 4 wisdom teeth out and had to be put completely to sleep because they were completely in the bone and not going to come in). So I am NOT looking forward to his recovery. I'm going to ask my MIL to come down and stay that weekend (thurs-sun) because Roy has already said he'd rather not take off work and I NEED someone to get the other boys off to school and stuff when I take him.

Never a dull moment huh?!

You know it's bad when...

2011-02-14T23:32:00.000-05:00

You know it's bad when you have to read your last entry just to figure out what you have or have not told yet!

So after that last entry two days later Andrew started having another breathing episode. Another one where it scared me that he couldn't breathe. I called the new pediatrician and she told me to bring him right in. I called Roy and told him I needed him on standby incase I couldn't be at the boys' school in time to pick them up and off I went to the doc with Andrew and Avery.

She listened to his lungs again and said he was definitely noisy and having trouble. She said his breathing rate was up again and with the way he was crying she felt it was time to take the next step. She set him up with a breathing treatment right there in the office. She warned me that he would probably hate it and would most likely scream the entire time. We put the mask on him and turned the machine on and he suddenly went calm and still. So calm in fact that he fell asleep! After the treatment was over she told me "that's how you know that he needed the treatment. It helped so much he fell asleep!" She listened to his lungs again and said it was nice and smooth now. She sent me home with a nebulizer, a prescription for Albuterol (enough for 4 months!) and a prescription for prednisone (steriod). Told me to give him a treatment every 4 hours for a couple days, and give him the steriod too.

She called me this morning to check on him and told me that RSV can last up to 6 weeks and even longer in a baby with lung issues to begin with. She said to stop the breathing treatments and now only use them when I felt he needed them.

He seems to be breathing better that's for sure. He's still really congested in his nose though.

Spring's right around the corner right?!

The boys all had their Valentine Parties at school today. I felt bad because I emailed Avery's teacher to see if Parents could come to the party and got a response saying

"well we're going to do valentine's at circle time and IF Willow's mom shows and IF she brings the cookies we'll decorate cookies at 11am."

Well to me it didn't sound like parents were going, so I didn't go up to the school. When I went to pick Avery up I was sitting outside the school saying to myself "wow I can't believe no parents are here yet!" And when the door opened and they started coming out I thought "I'm the only parent here so far still." Until I realized the kids were coming out WITH their parents!!! UGH! I felt HORRIBLE! I couldn't believe I didn't go to Avery's party because I didn't think parents were going and then parents DID go! I'm sure Avery didn't care. I mean he didn't say anything to me, but I knew it ya know?! UGH!

Went this afternoon to the other Elementary School to attend Aidan and Austin's Valentine's Parties. Their parties were from 3-3:45pm. I had Roy come home and watch Avery and Andrew since siblings aren't allowed in their school. Again I felt bad because I had to split the time between both boys. So of course when I went to Aidan's class from Austin's class I got the "where WERE you?!" and vice versa. Only nice thing was I was able to bring the boys home at 3:40 when I left instead of having to wait till 3:55 when they get out, so I beat all the after school traffic.

My boys have 1/2 days wednesday and thursday and no school Friday or Monday so I made plans for us to go to my mother in laws on Thursday after school. I'll drive us up there (since Roy has to work Thursday and Friday) and I'll stay there till Friday afternoon at some point. The 3 older boys will come home Monday at some point. I figure this way she'll get to see Andrew for a little bit since it's been a while since she's seen him. And the 3 older boys will get some time away from having to share the spotlight with Andrew.

We're thinking about moving Aidan into the toy room in the basement. Of course we'd take the toys out of there and everything, but with him turning 9 tomorrow (OMG is he seriously turning 9 tomorrow?!?) we feel like he deserves his own space. Him and Austin have really been fighting like cats and dogs lately and maybe not having to share a room together will help that situation some. It just makes me nervous him being on a different floor than us at night.

Alright it's almost midnight...I'm off to bed.

Letters of Intent Friday!

2011-02-11T08:57:00.002-05:00

It's time for a few "letters of intent" today! It's been a while since I've done an entry like this! I'm linking up with Foursons for my letters today!

Dear Old Pediatrician,

After hearing you tell me "let it run it's course" for over 3 weeks I had my 2 month old seen by a different pediatrician. It was then that he was diagnosed with RSV and Bronchialitis. That was your last straw. We will now be seeing the new pediatrician.

Goodbye!
The lady who is sick of feeling like she's going crazy when she calls you and is told nothing is wrong.

Dear Preschool Teacher:

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still upset About Avery having his snack taken away for "not saying Hi to his friends". When a child has a communication disorder like Apraxia the last thing you should do is take away his snack for not talking. Don't let me hear that it happened again, or there will be hell to pay.

Signed,
A mother you don't wanna mess with

Dear Refridgerator repairman:

Seriously where do you get off telling a mom of 4 boys that I don't know true love until a daughter climbs up in your lap and says "I love you." I guarantee you that it's pretty much the same as when one of my boys do it, just in a higher pitch voice.

Jerk!

Signed the woman who has to pay your invoice so I'd watch your mouth.

To read more "letters of intent" Click the picture at the top of this entry!!

New Pediatrician and a Cardiologist update

2011-02-10T21:56:00.002-05:00

So I switched the kids to a new pediatrician. I researched and researched and looked for a pediatrician who is a small office. I'm sick of the offices that have 9 doctors and 4 nurses plus a whole office staff. I feel like we don't get any kind of personalized care. They kept telling me to "let it run it's course" with Andrew and then look what happened. They told me they only vaccinate their way, and there was no way around that.

So I found this pediatrician nearby (closer than the other office!) and set up a consultation with her. I saw her and she looked at Andrew the very same day. Gave me meds for him and talked to me. I set up his 2 month well check (although 2 weeks late!) with her. I took him yesterday for his 2 month well visit.

12lbs 12oz and 21 1/3 inches long. His head was 17cm and she asked me about any concerns I had about him. I told her about the congestion that he STILL has and she agreed with me that it's still all in his nose and at least for now his lungs and everything sound much better and are clear. She said that RSV can last up to 6 weeks so she wants to give him 2 more weeks to try to clear up. If he's not better then, then we'll talk more. She mentioned how she looked in his nose to see if the boys might have put a bead or something in there. I can promise you they did NOT. First of all we don't have any beads or anything small enough to put in his nose. Second of all I pay way to close of attention to them when they are with Andrew for that to happen. She didn't see anything in his nose (told ya!) and said maybe because he has such a small nasal passageway it's causing him to remain congested.

She asked me what we were doing about vaccinations and I told her we wanted to follow the delayed vaccination schedule and without even blinking an eye she said "no problem." and went to the front desk and grabbed the delayed schedule and showed me it to see if it was the one I wanted to follow. It was, and she stapled it to his chart. She said "Today he'll get the DTAP then!" and I said "and the rotavirus right?" She then told me that she doesn't give the rotavirus vaccine. She said she has found that the risks outweigh the benefits in that vaccine. She went on to say that everyone gets rotavirus and even with the vaccine you still get the virus. She said that they feel that we have great access to medical care with her and the hospital and urgent care that the risk of the children getting dehydrated with the virus are very minimal. She said that most children get a gastrointestinal effect from the vaccine and they just don't feel it's worth it.

Fine by me! So Andrew got his DTAP and will go back next month for 2 more vaccines. He'll be seen monthly basically with every other month just being a vaccine appt. He'll only get 1-2 vaccines at a time. Which is exactly what I wanted.

And now he's crying so I gotta go!

**

Ok back....I also went back to the cardiologist last week. They ran another EKG and told me my ECHO that I had done a few weeks before didn't show anything. Everything looked normal on it. The only thing they say was some "gurgling" or something or other in some part of my heart. I asked what that meant and she said "it's basically heartburn" But because I was only a week out of having Andrew she wasn't concerned because I had HORRIBLE heartburn at the end of the pregnancy. She will re-do the ECHO in 6 months to see if it's gone away completely. I was told I'd get a call the next day with the results from the EKG they ran. I never did get that phone call. It took them a full week to call me back. When they called back she said "Everything looks normal" I said "so the extended QT is gone?" And she said "Everything is normal". Why don't I trust them?! Roy says that they have to be telling the truth or it could be a lawsuit. But I still don't trust them. Nothing I can do though. So as of right now it looks like everything was caused by the pregnancy and the fluid retention afterwards.

Wordless Wednesday!

2011-01-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

My 4 year old with Andrew (6 weeks in this picture!) watching Tom and Jerry!

A Rough Start

2010-12-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

So Andrew is 2 1/2 weeks old now. He's been home for a week and a half! Seems like he's been here a lot longer though.

We've had quite the rough start though. First his whole NICU stay. Then it took a lot longer than usual for me to feel "back to myself" after the c-section. The doctor said it was because I spent the first week of my recovery back and forth to and from the NICU instead of recovering at home. Ended up back at the doctor due to swelling in my legs and a pain in my calf. After that appt I ended up in the ER because they were afraid I had a blood clot in my leg. No blood clot, but the ER found something wrong with my heart. Seems my heart rate is extremely low. By low I mean instead of the average 79 beats a minute, my heart is beating at 38 beats a minute. They haven't been able to find a blood pressure on me. When they do find one it's extremely low at 96/70 or something like that. ER ran a bunch of tests and everything came back fine. I was then referred to a cardiologist. The cardiologist wanted to put me on a heart monitor for 24 hours and do an Echocardiograham. They also did an EKG on me too. During the EKG they found an extended QT interval. I did the 24 hour heart monitor and when I went back to turn it in they did the Echo on me.

I got a phone call this morning saying they couldn't get anything off of the 24 hour monitor because there was to much "interference". I went back this afternoon to have a new 24 hour monitor put on and was then told that they couldn't do another 24 hour monitor because it was the breastfeeding that was causing the interference. They talked to the doctor to see if there was another monitor they could put on me. They said that me lifting the netting on the monitor to nurse Andrew and my milk coming in caused the interference. They asked if I had thought about not nursing. I told her "the baby is only 2 weeks old." At that point I was told until I stop nursing there wasn't anything they could do. They told me to call back when I stop nursing to have a new monitor put on. Until then "if you experience any symptoms of heart problems go straight to the ER"

I know my health is more important than breastfeeding Andrew, but he's only 2 weeks old!

*sigh*

I'm really having a rough start here. I'm sure Andrew senses it too cause he's been crying constantly the last few days. I'm up every hour and a half to 2 hours with him at night and still getting up to get the boys off to school even though my mother in law has been here helping out. She's doing all the running around taking them to and from school and cleaning and cooking and everything, but I just feel like I'm not getting any breaks.

My Mother in law leaves Saturday morning and in one sense I'm looking forward to getting into our own routine and figuring things out on my own. On the other hand I just don't know how I'm gonna handle it all on my own.

I feel like the world is leaving me behind. I haven't had time to get online lately and it's almost like no one calls me anymore "just to talk".

I know this entry sounds like I'm depressed or have a touch of the "baby blues" but I promise I don't. I'm just trying to find my way with all this stuff going on.

My NICU baby

2010-11-23T13:57:00.000-05:00

So after what seemed like an eternal wait Andrew Jacob was born on Friday November 19th 2010 at 1:45pm.

The c-section went well. We are glad that we had the baseball team of specialists in the OR as I did have a lot of scar tissue and I did have a lot of adhesions. I had signed the papers to agree to a tubal while in the OR but it didn't matter anyway as they were not able to get to my tubes. The doctor said there was to much scar tissue and because Roy has had a vasectomy already he had told me beforehand that he would just do the tubal if it was easy to do. He wasn't going to add any risks to me or fight his way in there. He told me after the c-section that he basically just did what he had to do. He got me open, got to my uterus, got Andrew out and closed me up. He said that was the most important thing and he wasn't going to add any risks to me without needing to. I was SO happy that things went so well.

Going into this c-section I was SO scared. I knew the risks, I knew what could very possibly go wrong. Before I went in I made sure I had kissed my kids and told them I loved them. I made sure I told Roy what to do if something happened to me. I was just very nervous and everything about this c-section. So when I was on the table and they said they were done and were closing me up I started tearing up.

We joked during the entire c-section about how everyone was to yell "It's a GIRL!" when Andrew was born even though he was a boy. I told my doc that I'd never heard that said during a c-section and I wanted to know what it sounded like. LMAO One of the nurses told me she was going to tell me "Surprise it's triplets!" I told her "that's fine as long as at least one of them is a girl!" LOL

When Andrew was born my doctor said "ok here you go, even though it's not true...."It's a girl!" LMAO! The other specialist was like "OMG is it really?! I didn't see what it was when we pulled the baby out!" And we all said at the same time "Nope sorry to disappoint you, but it's a boy." LOL

Andrew came out screaming. I listened to him crying for a minute and listened as the nurse's said how HUGE he was, then listened as they said how small he was. I was telling Roy I didn't understand. One of the nurses came over to me and said they were bringing the NICU team in to take a look at him and my face must have dropped because she looked me in the eyes and said "I'm calm, you're calm." "you don't see me running around do you?" "You don't see him being rushed out of here. The longer he stays in here the better!" And I just started crying and nodding my head.

I saw them wheel an incubator by my head and started saying to Roy "what's wrong with him? what's going on?" and Roy told me he didn't know that he couldn't see the baby because there was to many nurses around him. The nurse came back over to me and told me that they were going to take the baby to the NICU as he was having some trouble breathing. She said they would bring him over to me and let me see him first but that the NICU team thinks he's actually a lot younger than we think he is. I asked what that meant and she said my chart showed me as 39 weeks, but the NICU team thinks Andrew is closer to 35-36 weeks. He was having trouble breathing and that his "features" were premature even though he was 8lbs 4oz. When they brought him over to me I could immediately see what they were talking about. Although he was a good size baby his face just seemed a lot smaller. He had lots of wrinkly skin and just looked tiny.

I went into recovery and my dad and stepmom came in and I started telling them what was going on. We said how much sense that makes because the amnio had come back SO immature that we were questioning it. I had asked my OB "could something be wrong? It doesn't make sense for the levels to be SO low this late in pregnancy." Well it DOES make sense if I was actually only 31-32 weeks along at the amnio instead of the 36 we though I was.

Andrew has been in the NICU since.he had to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He has been given two doses of surfactant and was requiring pretty significant help breathing.

Let me tell you it has been the hardest thing I've gone though EVER I think. I've broken down more times in the last 4 days than I've done my entire life. Just seeing another baby being wheeled into the room next to me was enough for me to break down. A nurse walking into my room and asking where my baby was would cause me to start crying. I told Roy "do you realize how hard it is to hear a baby crying in the room next to you and knowing your baby isn't with you?" Just looking at Andrew with all the tubes and wires all over him just caused me to break on more than one occasion.

Andrew received his second dose of surfactant (which required him to be intubated again to do) and has gotten a spinal tap to check for menengitis, and a head ultrasound to check for brain bleeds. He had an umbilical line placed to be able to draw blood for blood gas level checking without having to poke him a million times each day. He was put on an IV to give him vitamins and minerals. He had a feeding tube placed to be able to remove fluid and air from him belly (which gets there due to the oxygen they have him on). He is now on a CPAP machine and making tons of progress. If you're on my facebook you already know all the nitty gritty details. If you aren't on my facebook go ahead and add me to find out! You can find my facebook on the front page of my diary.

It's now 5am and I just finished pumping. I am home now, without Andrew. And again it's been SO difficult. But I just keep telling myself "he'll be home soon."

I wish I knew who to "blame" for all this. But then I tell myself "having someone to blame isn't going to do anything to help Andrew." Roy keeps saying if Andrew IS only 35-36 weeks and was 8lbs 4oz he almost certainly would have ruptured me if I had gone full term.

SO I'm gonna end this now and just ask for any thoughts and prayers as we continue our NICU journey and pray that Andrew can come home soon and be with us like it should be.

That last pic was taken during the rare 5 minutes they remove all the tubes and wires to rub him.

It was a "no go".

2010-11-03T09:59:00.000-04:00

So Monday morning I woke up and got all the boys off to school. My husband had taken off work that day to be able to attend my son's "pumpkin run" at school and also because of my amnio that afternoon to check on the lung maturity of the baby. If his lungs were ready we were scheduled to deliver Tuesday afternoon.

After taking the boys to school, hubby and I went to Target and I got 2 new nursing bras and 1 new nursing tank top. We then went to Costco and got a couple items. After that we came home and I sat down at the computer and got on facebook. My Mother in law called then and I was talking to her and all of the sudden I went "OH CRAP!!!!" My husband came running out of the bedroom and I looked at him and said "Aidan's pumpkin run!!" I looked at the clock and it said "11:06". My son's pumpkin run was from 10:45-11:45am. I don't know why or how but somehow I had COMPLETELY forgotten about it! We talked about it all weekend, hubby stayed home to go, my son had said to us that morning how excited he was that we were gonna be there and now we had forgotten! We jumped in the car and I thanked the heavens above that we live literally 2 blocks from the school. We got to the school and got out of the car JUST in time to see him run by us. We yelled "Go Aidan!!" and he looked over and smiled and started running as fast as he could. We walked up the field and saw him cross the finish line. He came over to us all out of breath and told us he had gotten 116 "points" but didn't know what place he was. He said over and over "thank you for coming to cheer me on!" Talk about guilt!! I was SO upset that I had forgotten. He then went inside and I looked at my husband and said "Are you serious?? We got here just in time to see him cross the finish line and now I have to walk all the way back to the car?!"

We got back home and I sat back down and called my mother in law back. My husband left to go to the gym. A little bit later I look at the clock and it said "11:49" "OH MY GOD!!!" I have to pick up Avery at 11:50 from preschool!! What in the world was up with me?!? I jumped up and took off out of here and thanked the stars above AGAIN that we live SO close to his preschool too! Got to the preschool and got out of the car as the front doors opened and the teacher walked them out. Seriously, what else was I gonna forget that day??

Got home and fed Avery some lunch and folded some laundry while talking to my sister on the phone. My dad showed up at 1:45 to watch Avery and he was also going to pick up my older two boys from school while I was at the amnio.

Hubby and I left the house and headed to the hospital for my appt. When we got there and we were called back my heart was pounding. I seriously didn't know what to expect and all I could think about was how I wonder what the chances are that his lungs are mature at 36 weeks. They did an ultrasound first and measured him and guesstimated his weight at 7lbs. They then decided the best place to "go in" was at the very top of my stomach right under my boobs. Since the baby is taking up SO much room in my belly this was the one spot where there was a pocket of fluid (between his legs) where they felt they weren't gonna risk him moving and sticking him with the needle. They covered my belly in iodine, put sterile drapes around my belly and told me "don't touch anything!" At that point there I closed my eyes (I was told not to look at the needle by multiple people who had amnio's before!). She said "a little pinch" and I felt the pinch of the needle. That didn't hurt. I'm used to needles and they don't bother me. But with an amnio I kind of describe it like an IV. First the needle goes in, but then they remove the needle and it's a little catheder type straw that is what they suck the fluid out with. The needle didn't bother me. When they were pushing the straw threw my belly is when it bothered me. Not really "painful" but definitely not comfortable. I could feel myself tensing up and just kept repeating "relax it will hurt less." 30 seconds later the procedure was complete and she showed me the fluid they had taken out. I was then taken to another room and put on monitors for an hour to make sure I didn't go into labor and the baby tolerated the procedure well. I was told I'd have results that evening and the nurse said if I didn't hear by 9pm to call the doctor on call.

We went home and I spent the rest of the evening just waiting for the phone to ring. I am SO not good at the waiting game! At 9pm I STILL hadn't heard anything so I called the answering service at my OB's office. The doctor on call ended up calling me back and of course the doc on call is one that I have NOT liked the entire pregnancy. The first thing she said to me was "you are so impatient". Excuse me?!! My procedure was at 2pm and it was now 9pm! I was TOLD to call by 9pm if I hadn't heard, I don't think I'm impatient at all! She then told me she had just gotten the results back and they came back "immature" she said "I was going to talk to the other specialist but since you're so impatient I called you first. At this point I do not think you should have your cesearean tomorrow."

I hung up with her and cried. I cried because I am SO uncomfortable. I cried because she was SO rude to me. I cried because I just had this feeling he wasn't going to be ready. I just cried.

Tuesday morning I woke up and prepared to go to my regularly scheduled OB appt. Before I left I got a phone call from my regular OB. She said she was "so disappointed". I said "you are!?!" and she laughed and said "well disappointed for YOU!" She then told me not only did it come back immature, but it came back "VERY immature." She said a typical maturity level is 55 and his was a level 6! She said "at this point here we don't even think we should deliver you NEXT week! I think we need to wait till 38 weeks." She said she needed to talk to the whole baseball team of specialists they have scheduled to be in the OR and we would see if we could schedule everyone for either the 16th or 17th.

Again I just felt crushed. Now not only was I not having my baby that day, but I wasn't even going to have relief in a week! I mean don't get me wrong, I don't want him born if he isn't ready, or if he's going to have problems, but I am in SO much pain!

But I'll suffer another 2 weeks to make sure I have a healthy baby.

It's an update on my other boys!

2010-10-29T12:45:00.002-04:00

Ok so in the last entry I updated you guys on the pregnancy/new baby. Now it's time to spend some time updating about my other 3 little men!

Aidan is enjoying 3rd grade. He's actually being sent to the 4th grade pod for math because he's been moved up to 4th grade math!! His teacher has nothing but praise for him whenever I talk to her. He's at the age though where he wants his own "space" and his own "privacy" and he spends a lot of the time telling us to ask Austin and Avery to leave him alone. I try to be understanding of that. I remember when I was his age and my sister and I shared a bedroom. We used to put actual duct tape across the carpet on our bedroom floor and did the whole "this is MY side and you can't come over here." As we got older we did more of that and even tried to hang sheets and stuff between our beds to give us our own rooms and everything. So I completely understand his feelings. At the same time though he ISN'T an only child and he DOES share his room. I can't tell Austin he needs to stay out of his own room, and I can't always make Austin leave wherever he is at because Aidan wants to be in the basement or watch TV by himself. It just doesn't work that way.

Austin is doing well in 1st grade. He's getting used to having homework. That took a while to get used to! LOL I finally have it now to where he comes in from school and immediately sits down at the table and does his homework at the same time that Aidan does HIS homework. It took a lot of doing though because he always told me he didn't have homework or he would "do it later". He seems to be a pretty popular boy at school! LOL Everytime we're walking through the halls or at a school function everyone seems to be yelling "Hi Austin!" he says Hi back and then I say "who was that?" and he'll shrug and go "I dunno, a 4th grader" or "oh he's in kindergarten" or whatever. I always say Austin is the typical "middle child" Nothing is ever "fair" and he gets great pleasure in picking on Avery. Tonight for example I gave Avery his 10 minute warning before bed and Avery decided to tell Austin "Aussie, 10 more minutes!" and Austin started yelling at Avery for talking to him or whatever. Avery started crying and Austin said "oh yay, Avery's crying!" It's kinda like Aidan picks on Austin so Austin has to pick on Avery. Totally to be expected, but also totally "middle child syndrome" LOL.

Avery is making a lot of progress finally! I think getting him back to school and back into Occupational therapy and regular speech therapy is really making a difference. He's also seeing a therapist for Anxiety and she's doing a lot of work with him on not only his anxiety but also getting him ready for the new baby. She's been also consulting with a behavioral therapist for potty training issues with him. He is finally really enjoying school and no longer screams bloody murder when I take him in the mornings. I recently had to drop his therapy from 3 days a week to 2 days a week. With all my OB appts and everything going on recently having to get ready for the baby and still take the other boys to and from school and other appts it was just getting to be to much. I dropped him back down to 2 days a week and said once the baby got here and we got into a routine we would talk about increasing it again. He really enjoys these therapists and I really like them so I think we've found a great place for him there. And he gets all of his therapy in the same place, so they all know what is going on and talk about his treatment so everyone is on the same page.

All 3 boys have their halloween parties at school today and their halloween parades too. All three of them have decided to be "ninja's" again this year (3rd year in a row!). I can't complain, those costumes are only 9.99 a piece and are really simple. Thankfully Avery's parade and party is in the morning and the older boys are in the afternoon, which makes it so I can attend all of them and no one gets "left out." I went yesterday and bought all the stuff the teachers had requested for their classroom parties so I could send them with the boys this morning. Saturday the boys have been invited to a halloween party in the afternoon and then sunday we'll be heading to my dad's house and spending the day and trick or treating with my sister and stepmom and dad.

Gonna be a busy weekend! Nothing new about that though!

What's your plans for halloween?

Wow I've neglected you!

2010-10-28T21:44:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been SO long since I've written an entry! Time has just completely gotten away from me!

I am now almost 36 weeks pregnant. I don't know what it is, but this pregnancy has really done a number on me. I don't know if it's because it's my 4th pregnancy, or if it's because I'm chasing 3 boys also while so hugely pregnant, or what. But this has been the hardest pregnancy for me yet! I've had quite a few "complications" with this pregnancy. I failed my 1 hr glucose test and had to take the 3 hour test. I passed the 3 hour test though. I've been diagnosed with polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid) and had to have quite a few more ultrasounds done to keep an eye on my fluid levels. Although my level HAS dropped, it's still on the high side of normal so they're still keeping an eye on it. I'm having extreme back and hip pain and it's made it very hard to walk.

At my last sonogram last week (35 weeks) the baby was estimated to weigh 6lbs 9oz. My OB has scheduled an amnio to be done on Monday (at 36 weeks 2 days) to test lung maturity. I've got a c-section scheduled for Tuesday afternoon if his lungs come back as mature. If they don't come back as mature then they will reschedule the c-section for the following week. I've been flipping out wondering just what the chances are that his lungs are mature. I slept like absolute crap last night cause it's all I could think about. I've googled till my fingers are raw and basically haven't come up with anything but it being a "50/50 chance". I'm just in so much pain that I think it would devastate me to have to wait another week! Of course I will if I have to because I want him healthy and fine, but I really hope the amnio shows his lungs are mature.

There is still so much for me to do to be ready though. I haven't packed a hospital bag, the carseat hasn't been installed (we do have it though), I still need to clean the house and make sure everything is done so if I DO have the c-section Tuesday everything is caught up when I am in the hospital next week. I need to make a list of schedules and times and everything for my mother in law for her to take care of the boys while I'm in the hospital. The list goes on and on.

I want to update on the other boys also, but I don't want to make this entry to long, so I'll write another entry about them :)

So tell me....what's new with you?! What have I missed?!

You could WIN and help out too!

2010-09-13T16:41:00.001-04:00

The Childhood Speech Apraxia walk is this saturday! As I've said many times lately, We will be walking in support of my son Avery who was diagnosed with Speech Apraxia almost 1 year ago. There is an Auction going on right now for this bow/clip:

You can participate in the auction to win this bow by clicking HERE. All proceeds are being donated to my son's walk and Childhood Speech Apraxia Association!

You can also go to THIS website. Hailey's Hair Clips is having a raffle in which all proceeds are being donated to my son's walk and Childhood Speech Apraxia Association. You can enter the raffle and win a $50.00 gift certificate to the website!!

If you don't have a little girl and would still like to help support my son and children like my son in learning to speak you can go to AVERY'S ARMY and make a fully tax deductible donation!

To learn more about Speech Apraxia and this cause follow the link below :)

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Some deep thoughts...

2010-09-13T11:05:00.000-04:00

This morning I got the boys ready for school and as I was getting Avery ready for school he whined a little bit, but there were no tears! He got his backpack on without issue, got in the car without issue, and even told me "Avery's school" when we dropped the older boys off and I turned to him and said "now where are we going?". We got to his school and he climbed out of the car without any crying and after his teacher came out and I went to leave he made me hold his hand for the count of "10" and then I said my goodbye's and I left. Again with no tears! We're making progress!

As we were standing at the wall waiting for Avery's teacher I watched as some of the other parents whose children are more severe then Avery dropped their children off. I watched as they pulled up to the curb, had an "aide" come get their kid out of the car and watched as they peeled wheels out of the parking lot, seeming to not be able to get away fast enough. In that minute I thought to myself "why can't I do that?"

It really had me thinking about the therapist who had asked me if I "favored" Avery over my other boys. When dropped the other boys off at school, I do exactly as those other parents do. I pull up to the curb, they climb out, I said "Have a good day!" and I drive away. When I get to Avery's school I park the car and walk him to the wall. I sit at the wall with him and the aides that are there until the actual teacher comes out. It is THEN that I leave. I hold his hand for the count of "10" like he asks, I give him a kiss and tell him I'll pick him up after school and I leave.

Is this "favortism"? Am I treating him different then the other boys? Part of me says, well yes of course I am! Then the other part of me says, well yes of course you are BUT it's because he's 3! The other boys are old enough to walk up the sidewalk themselves and stand out front of the school until the bell rings.

But that doesn't explain why these other parents of children who are more severe than Avery can do like I do with the older boys. Is it because they are more severe so the parents are more "fed up" and can't wait for the break?

Or is it because I'm to protective of Avery and I'm scared that he won't be "treated" the way I want him treated while at school? I mean the aides are out front, they are more than capable of dealing with the kids till the teacher comes out. Yet I don't trust them to treat Avery the way I want him treated. I don't trust them to understand him the way I do.

Does that make me an over protective mother? Or does that make me "favor" Avery more than the other boys? Or am I no different than other moms of special needs kids?

I just don't even know anymore.

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

A lot can happen in a week!

2010-09-09T11:29:00.002-04:00

Wow so it's been like a week since I've written! There just seems to be no time lately! I am really hoping to get back in the swing of things soon! Until then we'll stick with some paragraph type updates

Avery started preschool again. He's only gone once so far (he started tuesday and doesn't go wednesdays and today they are off school for Rosh Hashanah.) He cried when I dropped him off (which I was totally expecting) and I just kept telling myself he'd be fine after 5 min. I picked him up with a huge smile on his face and he said he had a good day. We'll see how tomorrow goes!

Avery has started at a new therapy place and I'm really liking them. They are going through a bunch of evaluations right now. We're trying to find out whether Avery has some type of anxiety disorder or whether he has aspergers. I'm really hoping we can find out soon though. Although I'm glad they aren't rushing to a diagnosis. Once they decide, if it IS aspergers then we'll be referred to their autism team who will do their own evaluation and decide just where on the spectrum he falls and what therapy we should be getting. The new speech therapist he is seeing though is so awesome with him. She may start seeing him twice a week. She completely agrees with the Apraxia diagnosis and is using the Kaufman method with him which he seems to be doing really well with.

At my last OB appt I was told my amniotic fluid was high and that the baby was measuring 3 weeks bigger than he should be. I was then referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor and was informed of all the things that could be wrong with the baby.

Got word that I bombed my gestational diabetes test, and they want me on a special diet for a couple days then I have to go take the 3 hour glucose test. There is NO way I am having the kids with me at the lab for almost 4 hours. After talking it over with Roy he's going to come home early on Monday so that after I take all 3 boys to school Monday morning I can head to the lab. Roy will then come home in time to pick Avery up from school and will meet me back at the house after I'm done at the lab.

I got a letter from the principal at Aidan and Austin's school. My first thought was "oh no!" As I read on I see that Aidan was put into the gifted and talented program at the school and also will be in 4th grade math this year!!! *beams* Proud mama moment!

Went to my Maternal Fetal Medicine appt and went through an hour and a half long sonogram where they measured everything you can think of on the baby. They measured all his bones, got pictures of his heart, spine, diaphram, kidneys, liver, brain, cerebalem, nostrils, eye sockets, palette, tongue, etc etc. Absolutely amazing to me to watch him on the screen kicking and also feeling him at the same time. Wow! They measured my fluid also. Good news is that the baby is absolutely totally PERFECT! There is nothing wrong with him!! They said he is measuring a little big, but that could be either genetics or the gestational diabetes. But with the 3 other boys being BIG babies that isn't something to be concerned about at this point! She said typical doctor cut off for amniotic fluid is anywhere from 24-25 and my number is 24.7. So yes it's on the "high" side. But it's the "high side of normal". They even did an internal sonogram to check on lower uterine wall thickness and said it looks good and doesn't look like anything to be concerned about right now! I'll now be seeing the MFM doctors every 2 weeks in addition to my OB every 2 weeks and their on opposite weeks so I'll be having an appt every week now. Just about 8 weeks left to go!

I've been slacking on picture taking lately and need to do some more picture taking of the boys so I have some new pics to post! Until then I'm off to referree again since all the boys are home.

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Top 20 reasons Moms of Special Needs Kids ROCK!

2010-09-02T21:52:00.000-04:00

Was shown this article today and thought it was just to good not to share! Please click and read :)

http://www.fcfriends.org/2010/05/17/top-20-reasons-moms-of-kids-with-special-needs-rock/

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Happiness Project! Back to School edition!

2010-08-31T11:21:00.000-04:00

Oh the joy of back to school!

And the quiet house it brings!

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

First Day of School!!

2010-08-30T12:23:00.000-04:00

Today was the first day of 3rd grade for my oldest son!

And the first day of 1st grade for my middle son!

Yay for quiet days around the house again! My youngest son (for now anyway until the baby comes!) doesn't start preschool until September 7th, so he's still home with me for now. But I was able to get the house clean, strip the beds, wash the sheets, make the beds, do the dishes, empty the dishwasher, and it will all stay that way for at least the next 4 hours!! Ahhh! Have I mentioned how much I love school days ;)

I'm not looking forward to my 4pm "hell hour". That's when everyone is back home from school and the fighting starts again and homework has to be done and dinner is trying to be made etc etc.

But until then....They're off! Have a great first day boys!

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Miss me?!

2010-08-24T22:30:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been a week since I've posted! Things have just been SO hectic around here! The older boys are home and having all 3 kids home now all day is definitely keeping me on my toes! I realize just how spoiled I was this summer with my mother in law having the 2 older boys. I wasn't able to sit down at all yesterday, which made for a very uncomfortable evening. I can't believe how uncomfortable I already am so early in this pregnancy! My back is absolutely killing me by the end of the night if I can't get enough "sit down" time during the day. Having 3 boys I'm having to chase all day everyday isn't making it easy to get my "sit down time" either!

I've been fighting for the past 2 weeks now to find Avery (my youngest son) a new speech therapist and get him some private occupational therapy also. After everything I've been through with his speech therapist he has now I decided it's time to try something/someone new. I found a place that sounds really nice and looks nice online. I called and was told they would verify insurance and get back to me. I then emailed the lady every 2-3 days for updates and was told "we're still in the process of verifying insurance I'll let you know ASAP when I hear something. Again I'd email in 2-3 days. I can fully admit I'm not a very patient person when it comes to this kind of stuff! LOL

I finally got a phone call yesterday that the insurance has gone through and they wanted to schedule a time for Avery's Evaluations. I was so so pleased and tomorrow morning we'll be going in for a speech evaluation at this place. Here's to hoping it's as nice as it sounds/looks! Now I have the job of telling his old speech therapist that we'll be going elsewhere for therapy. Not looking forward to that either!

The older boys have their "meet the teacher" night this friday at their school, and Avery has his "meet the teacher" on the 31st. The older boys go back to school Monday and Avery starts back on September 1st.

Here's to hoping once everyone is back in school I'll have more time to keep up with blogging!! Until then I hope you don't miss me to much!

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

SURPRISE!! It's a Baby Shower!

2010-08-17T21:46:00.001-04:00

So for a few weeks now my older sister and my step mom and I have been planning to spend Sunday (the 15th) at the Outlets near my sisters house doing some shopping. We made plans for my stepmom to pick me up so that I could leave my car with the carseat for my youngest son with my hubby.

The night before our "girls day out" my hubby gave me some cash for shopping and I was telling him what I was going to buy for the boys for back to school clothes. Sunday morning I woke up and was getting ready for my stepmom to pick me up. She got to my house with my little sister because she wanted to go shopping too, and hey it WAS a girls day out! We headed up to my sisters house and when we got there we went inside to decide what store to hit first. This video explains what happened next!

OMG!! I was SO clueless!! I couldn't believe it! I wasn't expecting a shower. Especially with this being my 4th baby and another boy at that!

I found out that this has been in the works for months! Even my hubby was in on it! We had SO much fun. I got lots of great things for the baby and had so much fun playing games with family and friends.

After the shower was over we DID end up going shopping, but only because I was SO looking forward to it and my sister and stepmom thought I was going to be so upset by not going! LOL

So not only did I get a surprise baby shower, but also a night out with the girls shopping and dinner!

Just a couple pictures from the afternoon. Not nearly all of them! If you have me on facebook you can see them all there :)

What a great day! I don't know how to thank my sister and stepmom enough. They seriously made this whole pregnancy for me!

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Feeding the Duckies!

2010-08-14T20:56:00.000-04:00

All out of bread :(

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Happiness Project 8/10/10

2010-08-10T08:52:00.001-04:00

Linking up for the Happiness Project! Click the picture above to see more pictures of things that make people happy

Park Days!

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Another Bad Sensory Day

2010-08-08T23:41:00.001-04:00

So after our really bad day Friday at the speech therapists office, which you can read about in my Letters of Intent, I knew we've hit the point where things have taken a bad turn for the worst with Avery.

Saturday was a pretty decent day. We did some school shopping for my older boys and ordered pizza for dinner and ate in front of the TV downstairs (a big treat for Avery!).

This morning we woke up and after a little while we decided it was way past time for Avery to get a haircut. We've been putting the haircut off far to long because it is typical not a good experience with Avery. We called Avery upstairs and told him it was time for a haircut. We immediately were met with "no mama. no haircut. no mama" and crying. I was trying desperately to get him to climb into the chair himself so my hubby could use the clippers on him (it's typically a whole lot easier to just buzz him, then take him somewhere and deal with the freak out.) I wanted him to do it himself and for it to be on his own terms. After a while it became apparent that was not going to happen. At that point my husband picked him up and placed him in the chair. He continued to buzz his head while Avery completely broke down. Tears, screaming, shaking, etc. I kept trying to reassure him that nothing was hurting him and he was fine. After a while I just had to leave the room because he was just completely unconsolable.

My husband finished his haircut with the crying, screaming, shaking continuing to take place. After the haircut I got a bubble bath ready for him and tried to coax him into the tub. He was still completely inconsolable and crying and shaking. I placed him in the tub and started pouring the warm water over his body with my hands. A few min later my husband came in and ended up having to bath a completely stiff, screaming, crying, statue of my son to get all the loose hair off of him.

When the bath was done I wrapped Avery in a towel and carried him (still screaming) to his room. I sat down on the floor and started "shhh'ing" him and rocking him. He moved himself into a position as if I was rocking a baby (lying across my lap in my arms) and I rocked him. As I rocked him his screaming turned to these moaning type sounds. Those lasted a few minutes and then it was completely silent. I looked at Avery and he was laying in my arms with this complete blank stare on his face. He wasn't moving, he wasn't talking. He was just laying there. I started talking to him and asking questions "are you ready to get dressed now?" and got absolutely no response from him. Just stayed in that blank stare into space. I asked "do you want to go to the park and swing?" Still no response and a blank stare. He wasn't looking at me, wasn't making eye contact. Just staring into space.

As I sat there rocking him still all I could think was "this is what rocking a baby who has had a seizure must feel like." In that moment I broke down. Tears started to flow and I just looked at Avery and said "mama loves you, you know that?" This typically would have gotten a "I wud ew moe" (I love you more) from him. Instead all I got was a stare. My husband walked into Avery's bedroom and I just looked at him and said "he's not responding to anything, he's not making any eye contact with me either." My husband bent down and kissed Avery on the forehead and said "hey buddy, look at me." and got nothing. I started sobbing again and my husband took Avery from me and started rocking him and talking to him. I went in my room and cried. It took a few more minutes and then I heard Avery start giggling slowly. I got in the shower and got dressed. My husband got Avery dressed and they went downstairs.

Avery spent the rest of the evening by himself again only coming out to eat. He would talk to us, but still no eye contact. Tonight after putting him to sleep my husband came downstairs and said to me "he's still very quiet. It's so unusual."

What in the world has happened in the last two months that has made Avery regress so much?! Why is he shutting down so completely and staying shut down for the entire day afterwards? What is going on? Could it really just be that it's summertime and he's out of his routine? Could it be that he's not getting the consistant therapy he gets while school is in session? I mean his speech therapy has been so sporadic due to vacations and stuff and he hasn't gotten any OT this summer. But he only gets OT once a month at school.

I don't know what has been going on but I do know that first thing tomorrow I am calling an OT and getting him in to be seen. I can't handle seeing him like this anymore. He was making such progress and strides and to see him regress so horribly is killing me. Not to mention today scared me to death.

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Letters of Intent Friday - Special Needs Child Edition

2010-08-06T15:32:00.000-04:00

Linking up for Letters of Intent! Click the picture above to read more letters and join while we laugh, cry, and scream.

Dear Speech Therapist:
    This isn't the first "letter of intent" I've written to you. After 20 min of my son screaming bloody murder in the room, yes I DID open the door. When you told me "I think it's best if you stay out." I left again. After 45 min of him screaming bloody murder I was DONE. I am NOT paying you all that money for him to spend the entire hour screaming and crying while you do nothing but say "ok, when you're done crying you can come play." Yes I said that to you too. And yes, I DID leave without paying you. My son who is usually so easy to "bring back" after a shut down has now spent the last 40 min since being home not even looking at me, and sitting by himself in the other room. Thanks! Thanks for absolutely nothing.

Sincerely,
The woman who isn't going to let her son scream for an entire hour

Dear Husband,
   When I call you because I'm tired of listening to our son scream bloody murder in the therapists office it would be nice if you answer your phone. When you DO finally call back and I'm now at home, when I start telling you about therapy it would be nice if you didn't completely act like nothing is wrong. Telling me "well he's not going to have a perfect day everyday" doesn't help. Telling me it's my fault because he plays his DS to much, or telling me I obviously did something that set him off, doesn't help. You're son has special needs. He has sensory integration, speech apraxia, motor planning problems, and some low tone. He isn't PERFECT. I never said he was perfect. But him having a "bad day" has nothing to do with something I am or am not doing. Thanks for making me feel like absolute shit.

Sincerely,
The woman who just wants to smack you right now

Dear Self:
   You've shed enough tears about Avery to last a lifetime. No need to shed anymore. But seriously, what were you thinking having another baby when Avery has so many issues and still needs so much? Are you looney??

Sincerely,
The "man in the mirror"

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

Rejection sucks! Plain and simple!

2010-08-04T19:22:00.000-04:00

As you all know I've agreed to be a co-coordinator for this years Walk for Apraxia in our area. This is something so near and dear to my heart because of my youngest son suffering from this disorder. In being a co-coordinator one of my responsibilities is to contact businesses, shops, etc and get donations from them. Things like gift cards from Costco, Sams Club, Giant, etc etc to cover the cost of food, drinks, etc that will be served there. Local businesses willing to give giftcards or gift baskets to donate to a raffle we'll hold at the walk. Everything we do at the walk or plan at the walk has to be donated by someone. Of course these places that donate money are given a donation form so they can claim it as a tax deduction.

We'll be holding a "fundraiser night" at a local pizza hut where a portion of the proceeds will go to the walk. Of course the catch is we have to sell $200.00 worth of pizza that night in order to get any portion of the proceeds.

Another thing I'm in charge of is trying to find some "entertainment" for the walk. I've been contacting local clowns, magicians, face painters, etc trying to see if they would be willing to donate (of course) their time and do a show at our walk.

I have received more rejection these past few weeks then I've ever gotten in my entire life. I'm getting emails left and right "sorry but my policy is not to do charity events." and "our company has already met it's maximum allowable donations for this year." "I won't donate, but I'll reduce my price by $50.00."

No matter what the circumstances we all know rejection sucks. Plain and Simple. I was told I would get a lot of rejections when I agreed to take this on. I didn't expect it to effect my self esteem so much though!

I mean I completely understand that if I had my own business I'd never make any money if all I did was charity work, and donated my time all the time to shows. But the other part of me says "what's an hour of your time to entertain some children who struggle enough as it is?" Is there no one out there that does charity work anymore?

I pay thousands of dollars a year on therapy for my son. Would it really kill some of these business owners to donate a $25 dollar gift card to help us? Would it kill someone to say "that's a good cause and I'd love to help out."

Or I could just keep repeating.....

"A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." - Bo Bennett

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

23 weeks!

2010-08-03T22:36:00.000-04:00

Today I had my sonogram for heart views on the baby. The last sonogram I had the baby was being stubborn and wouldn't allow her to get the shots she needed of his heart. I took my youngest son with me today (like usual) and he did really well again with just playing his ninetendo DS while I had my appt.

The baby again was really stubborn today! He just doesn't want to give us what we ask for! LOL He was fighting the tech ever step of the way to get the views of his heart that she was trying to get. She did eventually get them though! And his heart is PERFECT! So yay for that!

She was trying to get me a 3D picture of his face and everytime she put the wand over his face he would cover his face with his hands!

What a booger!

He's measuring perfectly on time at 23 weeks 2 days, except for his head which is measuring a week bigger. All of my boys have HUGE heads! And they all measured 1-2 weeks ahead in that department! I had her confirm gender and she was laughing about there being "no doubt" that he's still a boy. I had a small glimmer of hope, but that's completely gone now! LOL She even gave me a "money shot" to take home so there's no denying it.

He weighs in right now at 1lb 5oz and is head down now (was breech at last appt) but that can still change at any point, and doesn't really matter since I'll be having a c-section anyway.

Here's some pics I got today :) I had to take a picture of the pictures with my cell since my scanner isn't working :(

3D face

It's a boy!

3D face again

Profile

Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

A raffle where you could WIN $50.00 to Hailey's Hair Clips!

2010-08-03T15:27:00.001-04:00

If you have a little girl in your life (whether it be your daughter, niece, granddaughter, etc) Check out this raffle going on over at Hailey's Hair Clips She is holding a raffle where you could WIN $50.00 to her website. This raffle will also help support my son! Check it out HERE please!

If you don't have a little girl in your life that could use that raffle, then Please check out this important Blog Entry! Click HERE to read about something near and dear to my heart!

You guys rock!

There's a LOT of hurt there

2010-07-29T00:18:00.002-04:00

It's been just over 3 years since I've had any kind of contact with my mom. The last time I spoke to her was not long after my youngest son Avery was born. What exactly was it that was the "straw that broke the camels back" so to speak? I honestly don't even remember. I know there was a huge blow up and either I hung up on her or she hung up on me, and that was the last contact we had. I've seen her at my sister's house at Christmas, but barely 3 words were spoken between us. She has gone to one or two of the birthday parties my sister had for my niece, but again when she did come we didn't speak.

The last time she came to a birthday party for MY boys was when Austin turned 2 and Aidan turned 4. She stayed for exactly 20 minutes then left.

I could seriously list SO many things that she has said/done that have hurt me to my core.

The very worst one was the comment "he's just another boy, nothing special about him" that she made when I questioned why she didn't bother coming to see us after my youngest son was born.
Or I could tell about all the times she went to my sister's house for birthday parties, get togethers, etc and never bothered to even attempt to make it to a party for my kids or even send a card.

I really don't want to list everything she's said or done because that isn't the point of this entry.

I'm also not going to say that I'm completely innnocent in all this. I know I've said things to hurt her feelings. And I'm not trying to say I was perfect in all this.

I've been told multiple times by my sisters and stepmom "be the bigger person. Just call her" and they've told me plenty of times "that's just the way mom is, you have to just take it if you want to have any kind of relationship with her." I've also been told I'm "to sensitive" about what has been said/done.

When I think about why I'm so hurt by what she has said/done to me I only come to one conclusion...

I was always the one that was so close to my mom. I defended her during the very very nasty divorce between her and my dad. I chose her over my dad when asked who I wanted to live with. I did everything for her while growing up. I practically raised my two youngest siblings. I got up in the middle of the night for bottle feedings, changed, clothed, played with them. I took them to school, friends houses, birthday parties. I did the grocery shopping, ran all the errands, cleaned house, etc etc. I could go on and on. Then for her to say these things to me, and treat me the way she's treated me? It just hurts.

My mom was diagnosed with M.S (Multiple Sclorosis) back when I was still in High School. My mom's disease has progressed and gotten worse. She has fallen into a major depression. She won't admit it. She never leaves her house. NEVER. She doesn't want people to see her having to hold onto someone to walk. Because of her shame in herself, she refuses to use a walker or any kind of medical equipment to help her. She doesn't admit she needs help so the drs can't prescribe her medicines that would help her. Heck, I don't even think she has seen her dr in 6 years. How she keeps getting refills on her meds is beyond me.

I know she'd kill me for talking about her disease on my blog. But hell, what is she going to do? Stop talking to me? Did that 3 years ago!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about all these years we've wasted not speaking. The other day a friend of mine lost her mom to cancer. It was very quick from diagnosis to her passing away. I read her blog entries as she talked about how hard it was watching her mom be taken by this disease. I cried as I read about her memories of her mom and about her taking care of her mom in her final days. I still cry when I read about how much she misses her mom. I cry not only because I feel for her, but also because I think about how I wish my mom and I were as close still as we were a long time ago.

My boys don't know my mom as "grandma". They see a picture of her and ask "mom who is that?" and I say "that's my mom" or "that's Kelly's (my sister) mom" She doesn't call or see them on holidays or their birthdays. No birthday cards in the mail or anything like that either.

I think back to how close my grandmother and I were and I wish with everything in me that my boys had a relationship with my mom like that. I look at my boys and wonder how anyone could NOT want to be in their lives.

Sure you could ask "if you feel that way why don't you just "be the bigger person" and call her?" and to that I say...

There's a LOT of hurt there. And I feel like if she really wanted that relationship, or really wanted to know her grandkids wouldn't she be showing some kind of effort?

Having All Boys is MY fault?!

2010-07-28T13:08:00.000-04:00

So a friend shared this article with me yesterday. I have to completely and totally disagree with it! I don't find myself "assertive and competitive" at ALL!

I'd love to hear what YOU think about this article!

The article can be found HERE and this is what is says:

It's a Boy... Thanks to Mom Scientists have found that a mother's testerone level during pregnancy may influence both her behavior and the gender of her baby.

By PT Staff, published on November 01, 1995 - last reviewed on June 03, 2005

Fertilization, say biologists, is a maniacal, winner-takes-all race between millions of sperm. If the first to arrive bears an X chromosome, the result is a girl. If a Y-sperm shows up first, it's a boy.

But a New Zealand psychiatrist believes it's more complicated than that. Valerie Grant, M.D., contends that mothers, not dads, determine the sex of a baby -- and that a woman's personality may be a window to her son- or daughter-bearing potential.

Grant assessed the personalities of young women likely to conceive soon, then checked back nine months later. Those who bore sons, she found, were more assertive, competitive, and self-reliant than those who had daughters, she reports in the British Journal of Medical Psychiatry.

Her theory: Testosterone levels influence both a woman's behavior and the sex of her kids. (Yes, women have testosterone too, though far less than men.) Grant believes the hormone turns an egg into an active player in the fertilization sweepstakes, causing it to play favorites as sperm try to fertilize it. When testosterone is high, for example, an egg might turn an X-sperm away, letting a nearby Y-sperm sneak in.

As Grant sees it, there's a key testosterone level above which a woman's offspring wind up a particular sex. But our testosterone levels aren't stable: Stress and other factors influence its production. So women with average testosterone might vary on either side of that point over time, giving birth to daughters or sons as conditions change. But women with extreme levels may remain on one side of the threshold most of the time, dooming them to children of a single sex.

ECOstore USA Product Review!

2010-07-20T15:54:00.000-04:00

Recently I had the chance to review a couple products at ECOstore USA. I'd never heard of the website before so of course I did a little research ;) This is what ECOstore USA has to say on their website about their products.

Our eco friendly, plant-based household cleaning products are as effective as the leading supermarket brands, and our body and baby care ranges are gentle on your skin and are simply beautiful to use. All of our products are made from plant- and mineral-based ingredients, free of toxic chemicals that bring people closer to nature with non-toxic, environmentally safe solutions that also help to reduce our carbon footprint.

Now I had recently been telling my husband how I wanted to go "natural" with my cleaning products but that I love when my house has that "clean" smell. I'm a little OCD about it actually! All of the "natural" products I've tried from the grocery store never really fit the bill for me. They either didn't have that "clean" smell or I was concerned about the job they did.

I was offered 2 products to try on the ECOstore website. The two products I choose were:

Citrus All Purpose cleaner

The ingredients in the cleaner:

•D-Limonene (from citrus)

•Palm and coconut based non-ionic and anionic surfactants

•Fatty acid derivative

•Ethanol

•Filtered water

I also choose the Coconut and Vanilla Body Wash

The ingredient list is:

Ingredients

•Water •Sodium Cocoyl Glutamate
•Sodium Lauroamphoacetate
•Wheat Germamidopropyldimonium
•Hydroxypropyl Hydrolysed Wheat Protein
•Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride
•Sodium Hydroxymethyl Glycinate
•Certified Organic Fragrance

A couple days after ordering the products I got an email stating that there was a delay in shipment and to show their appreciation for my patience they were throwing in a bar of their coconut soap! Heck I didn't even complain and they are apologizing and throwing in a free item. How nice of them!

I have used the All Purpose cleaner all over my house. In the kitchen, on the computer desk, on the dining room table, and other places! It really does clean really well. I was pretty skeptical because of my past history with all natural cleaners. It smells really nice, and doesn't leave any kind of film or oil or anything on the surface of what I'm cleaning. It is definitely one I will order again!

The body wash smells really good! It lathers really well and again I haven't had any kind of film or soapy residue left on my body. I've been very very pleased!

The soap goes very well with the body wash and also smells excellent!

Out of all the "natural" Earth friendly products I've tried ECOstore has been the best!

They're offering a Buy One Get One sale throughout the month of July!! Buy any product and they will automatically DOUBLE it!! They are also offering free shipping on any order over $25.00!!

This is the perfect time to stock up!

Go place your order! I'm about to :)

Visit ECOstoreUSA on their website: HERE

Follow ECOstoreUSA on facebook: HERE

Follow ECOstoreUSA on Twitter: HERE

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the product mentioned above for free for review purposes from ECOstoreUSA. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Baby Shopping!

2010-07-20T08:44:00.000-04:00

Linking up for The Happiness Project again! Click the picture Above to see other things that make people happy!!

So last week we did some baby shopping! That always makes me happy :) I mean who doesn't get happy doing some retail therapy?! And when it's cute baby stuff???? Even better!

This is what we bought!

Pack and Play

Bedding Set

Infant Seat

Travel system. (I got the sit and stand because when we got places I just know Avery isn't going to want to walk all the time, especially when he sees the baby in a stroller. So I thought this was our best option :)

Repeating a story

2010-07-16T17:28:00.000-04:00

Today while Avery had speech therapy the therapist was asking him about our vacation and what we've done in the 2 weeks since he's been seen last (We were on vacation one week, she was on vacation the next).

As soon as she asked him I knew what was about to happen...

I always semi dread someone asking Avery a question or asks him to tell them what he did/is going to do this weekend or whatever. Avery has no problem talking most people's ears off. The problem comes from him having Apraxia. With 2-3 word sentences he's 40% intelligible. But when he goes off gabbing your ear off or is telling you a story it's a completely different story. Unless you are listening VERY carefully and know his speaking patterns/substitutions you aren't going to understand a single thing he says. You may catch a word or two here and there, but I always end up getting a "huh?" look with a "what did he say?"

So the minute she asked him to tell her what we did on vacation I knew what was about to happen. I was about to have to repeat everything he said after he said it. When we got done telling her all about our Great Wolf Lodge vacation and all about our Day on the Water, she looked at Avery and said "That is so awesome! Lets go work on some of those sounds so you can tell me the story even better!"

He went off to do his hour of speech therapy and I sat there wondering just how long I was going to have to repeat a story. He's made SO much progress, but we still have such a long way to go.

To read more about Apraxia you can click HERE.

2nd Annual Apraxia Walk!

2010-07-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

As most of you know, my youngest son Avery was diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech back in October of last year.

Childhood Apraxia of Speech is a motor speech disorder. For reasons not yet fully understood, children with apraxia of speech have great difficulty planning and producing the precise, highly refined and specific series of movements of the tongue, lips, jaw and palate that are necessary for intelligible speech.

Children with Apraxia of speech require frequent intensive speech therapy. Avery has been seeing a private speech therapist for almost a year now. He also receives speech therapy through the special education preschool program he attends and gets therapy there 3 times a week. When he started therapy he had the expressive language of a 12 month old! Avery is now 40% intelligible with 2-3 word sentances. This progress is do to hard work and dedication.

Avery also receives Occupational therapy at school for sensory and motor planning issues. He's also making progress in these areas!

Last year we participated in the Baltimore Area Apraxia Walk, which helps raise money for these areas:

•Ongoing funding for the Apraxia Treatment Research Fund - Very little research exists on appropriate and best treatment for children with apraxia of speech. CASANA funds pilot research grants so that researchers can begin studies to best help children as early as possible.

•Apraxia Child Research Registry- A new program, CASANA is establishing an online searchable database research registry so that researchers are able to identify children for participation in qualified research projects to further understanding about the causes and nature of CAS. In particular we will seek children with known genetic, metabolic, or neuroanatomical findings. As interest in CAS research heightens based on the growing availability of advanced genetic and imaging technology, CASANA will be on the forefront of research support.

•Multimedia Education Projects - CASANA is using walk funds to create educational DVDs and products to further teach parents and professionals about childhood apraxia of speech.

•Training for future SLPs - Most who graduate from a Master's program in Speech-Language Pathology have had minimal if any exposure to childhood apraxia of speech, its assessment, or its treatment. This is part of an isidious problem which leads to unprepared professionals. Walk funds are being used to create more opportunities for students and practicing SLPS so that our children with apraxia receive the best possible treatment.

This year we are co-coordinating the 2nd annual Baltimore Area Walk for Children with Apraxia of speech.

The walk will be taking place soon and I'm looking for people to help support us in our walk by making a FULLY TAX DEDUCTIBLE donation to our Team (Avery's Army) or by joining us and walking with us during the walk!

Any amount you can give would be SO appreciated and would help us on our journey to helping Avery learn to speak. Please look into your hearts (and wallets) and support Avery in his struggle to speak!

You can go to the website below to make your contribution.

APRAXIA WALK - AVERY'S ARMY!

A day on the water

2010-07-13T11:59:00.001-04:00

I know this isn't "one" picture, but it's the whole kind of "day" that causes me so much happiness :)

Sunday we spent the day on the potomac river with my dad and stepmom and little sister. We took my dad's boat and 2 jet skis and decided to have some fun for the day.

I just love being out there.

So much fun! Can't wait to do it again :)

Happy Follow me Friday! Letters of Intent and weekend plans!

2010-07-09T11:49:00.001-04:00

Hello everyone!

If you're here from any of the Friday follows welcome! My name is Heather and I'm a 29 year old stay at home mom to almost 4 boys! That's right, we're an all boy family here! I'm due with my 4th boy in November. Grab a snack and a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading! You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll find out about life with boys!

You can follow me on Twitter: HERE
You can "like" my facebook page: HERE

Leave a link so I can follow you back!

I'm linking up like usual for Letters of Intent! Click the picture above to read more letters!

Dear Hubby:
You can say it's pregnancy hormones all you want, but you're really making me mad lately! Just so you know (incase you didn't already) we have another baby coming in November. It is impossible to plan for this baby and get excited about this baby if you won't talk to me to him! Everytime I try to talk to you about names or things to buy or plans the only response I get from you is "can we talk about this later?" Each and everytime I bring it up it's always the same response.

Then you got mad at me for talking to the other boys about names. Telling me "you're not giving me a chance to have any input" Do you not remember the million and one times I've approached you to talk about things? Do you not remember telling me "can we talk about this at dinner?" and then at dinner when I brought it up you said "Can we talk about this later tonight?" Then I brought it up yet again and you said "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

I'm sorry but I'm no longer going to wait for you to make plans and buy things and talk about things. I've brought it up enough times to get the hint that you really don't care to talk about it. Which to me means you don't care what his name is or what I want to buy/plan. So I'll do the planning and naming and when you're ready to discuss things feel free to bring it up!

Love,
You wife who does actually remember there's another baby coming in a few months.

I'm excited for this weekend. Tomorrow I plan to do some baby shopping (which is always fun!) and then sunday we'll be joining my dad and stepmom and little sister for some boat and time on the water fun! Can't wait!

Talked to the older boys this morning (remember they are with the inlaws for the month) and they told me they woke up early at 5:30 this morning to go pick corn! They are such country boys! LOL They always talk to me about picking potato bugs off my in laws garden plants and picking green beans and potatos and corn. They love that stuff. Riding the 4-wheeler with my mother in law and running all over the place. I'm glad they get to experience all that. My oldest son said to me today "I wish we lived closer to grandma, then we wouldn't have to miss her when we're home and miss you when we're with her." Aww :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Neutrogena Ultrasheer Daily Liquid Sunblock Review

2010-07-07T13:42:00.000-04:00

Neutrogena UltraSheer Liquid sunblock

I was given the opportunity to review the Neutrogena UltraSheer Liquid Sunblock recently. When I recieved the product I got 2 bottles of sunblock. The SPF on it is 70 and the bottle says it can be used under make up and for everyday use.

I decided to put that to the test!

The next day I woke up and after I showered and dried my hair I opened up the bottle.

It says only a small amount is needed and they were right! It went on very smoothly and easily. I didn't need much more than a small dime size amount to do my entire face and neck.

It smelled very nice which is a major thing for me. I really don't want to walk around smelling like suntan lotion if I'm not at the pool or beach. And with an SPF of 70 I can still take the kids out and about for the day and not have to worry about my face burning.

After a few seconds I went to the mirror and fully expected a shiny complexion. I expected to look oily and for my make up to not go on smoothly because of the product on my face. It was the complete opposite though! My face wasn't oily! I couldn't even tell that I had it on my face!

This is definitely a product I could use everyday! I've only used it twice so I can't honestly say it hasn't caused any breakouts or anything. But Neutrogena is known for being a "clean complexion" company.

I'll definitely write another review after using the product for a while and let you know for sure how I feel. For right now though, I love this product!

This can be purchased at any major retailer. I know for a fact Target carries the 1.4oz container for 11.99.

It's definitely worth trying! You won't be disappointed!

Get $2 off your UltraSheer® purchase at http://www.neutrogena.com/suncoupon.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the product mentioned above for free for review purposes from Tidal Labs. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Pour your Heart Out - another feelings on a 4th boy entry

2010-07-07T09:36:00.002-04:00

Linking up with Shell again this week to Pour My Heart Out. Click the picture and read others who are pouring their hearts out too.

So are you guys sick of hearing my feelings on a 4th boy yet?? I'm sure you are. I know I'm tired of moping around and writing about it all the time.

For those that don't know...I went yesterday for the anatomy sonogram. During the sonogram we found out we'll be having boy #4. I knew that was a possiblility. This pregnancy was completely unplanned, unexpected, and not even in the realm of our thoughts. I was on the Nuvaring when I got pregnant. I hadn't had a period is almost 3 months despite changing my ring like I was supposed to and I decided to go to the doctor. I wasn't expecting to hear "you're pregnant" but that's exactly what I heard. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. During my c-section with my 3rd son I was told there were a lot of complications and that a 4th pregnancy would be dangerous. And now that was exactly what I was told was happening. A 4th pregnancy. If I had planned this 4th pregnancy I would have swayed my odds or kept track of my cycles to best choose my ovulation days. But there would be none of that. I was pregnant!

In my mind I kept telling myself "maybe this was my way to get a girl" "obviously this was meant to be! It must be my girl!" I kept saying "this pregnancy is so different then the other three. It has to be a girl!" Even my husband was saying "I have a feeling this one is a girl." During the sonogram I was looking at the baby on the screen and told the sonographer "I don't see anything between those legs!" and I said to her "Be nice to me! Tell me it's a girl!"

I think she knew the entire time that it was a boy though. She was saying things like "well you don't see anything between the legs because the legs are closed" and "well we'll see, But it's not my fault, it would be his fault (pointing at my hubby). That should have been my first clue. But in my head I kept saying "she just wants to surprise me." "she just wants to show me a great shot of the girl money shot." etc etc.

So when she showed another angle of the legs and said "do you see anything between the legs now?" and I saw what I saw I still was in disbelief. I was looking so hard to not see anything that I think I sort of blocked out the penis there on the screen. My husband says it was clear as day. She then said to me "I'm sorry. I'm not very nice to you am I?" And the tears started to fall. Right there on the table I started to cry. I'm talking the big crocodile tears running down my face with my stomach bouncing with each breath I took. I was trying so hard to hide it. She was having trouble getting other pictures because my belly kept moving with my tears. I was trying to hold my breath so she could get more pictures. And to her credit she was trying to make me feel better. She was saying things like "oh look how cute he is" and "look he's got his fists already out ready to fight".

I try to explain to people I'm not mourning the fact that it's another boy. I'm mourning the fact that I'll never have that daughter I've always dreamed about. I'm not sad at the fact that I'm having another boy. I'm sad at the fact that I'll never get to experience the girl things.

I love my boys. I love having boys.

I think maybe if I could do some shopping I might feel better. Maybe if I got a few "boy" things in the house I could get more excited. We threw everything baby/infant related away since there were no plans for another baby. So really we need to start all over.

The words of my mother still echo in my head from after I had my third son "Just another boy, nothing special about him." And I worry. If he was "just another boy and nothing was special about him, how will everyone feel about yet another boy?"

I know to me he'll be special. But will he be ignored by everyone else as "just another boy." I mean hell he'll be the 6th grandson on each side of the family. Nothing special about that huh?

and here I go crying again so I'm going to end this now.

Back to your regularly scheduled happy entries soon I promise.

The Happiness Project-week 18

2010-07-06T15:35:00.000-04:00

Linking up of course for The Happiness Project! Click the picture to see other things that make people happy!

It's Boy #4 for me! No girls allowed in this house I guess!

So Tomorrow is the big day...

2010-07-05T22:53:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is the big day. The "big" ultrasound. The whole "It's a boy!" "It's a girl!" ultrasound.

My husband said to me tonight "So, if they say it's a boy tomorrow, what can I expect from you?" What can you expect from me? I dunno! I told him "I guess we'll see if it happens." He responded with "Well are you going to have a complete breakdown?"

Finally I told him "I know it's a possibility. I'm going in there fully knowing it could be another boy. I'm going in there fully knowing it's very possible they're going to say "It's a boy!". I'm also going in there fully knowing it's possible that they won't be able to tell me! I'm not going to know how I'm going to react until it happens."

You know that "mother's intuition" people always talk about? When you hear pregnant women say "I knew it was a boy/girl from the very beginning?" I so do not have that this time. With my third son it was like I knew he was a boy from the very beginning. I always said "he" when talking about the baby. All my dreams were of a boy. This time I just don't know! I keep having these reacurring dreams where the baby is born and the doctor says "It's a boy! ... no wait...It's a girl!" Or I'm in the sonogram room and the person says "It's a girl! It's a boy! It's a girl!" so annoying!! When talking about the baby I find myself saying "it" instead of "he/she". So there is definitely no "intuiton" there this time.

I'm also getting SO nervous. It's almost 11pm and I'm still awake because I just can't fall asleep! It's the last night of wondering (hopefully). It's the last night where I can keep thinking it's possible that I may get my daughter I've always wanted and dreamed of. As of tomorrow I know that dream/hope will either become a reality or will be gone forever. There will be no more babies in this household. My husband had a vasectomy so there is no possibility of ever changing our minds. Plus I'm scared to death of having 4 kids, so I don't think I'd ever even think of having 5!

Tomorrow I could become the mother of 4 boys. And I worry about the comments and looks. As I said in my blog entry Pouring my heart out - on being a mom of boys I talk about the comments I get now. I can't imagine the comments if I have another boy!

Then I think about the comments if this one is a girl "Oh you finally got your girl huh?" "finally a girl!" etc. And I hate how that would make my boys feel.

I guess there's just no pleasing me huh?! LOL

So for tonight and until my appt at 11am est tomorrow morning I'll just keep repeating my new motto.

Hoping for pink, probably blue, healthy will do!

Monday Mugs

2010-07-05T16:10:00.000-04:00

I'm linking up this week for Monday Mugs! The theme this week is "blue". Click the picture and check out other "mugs" this week :)

This picture was taken while on vacation last week at Great Wolf Lodge!

It's Vacation Time!

2010-06-28T22:29:00.000-04:00

So tomorrow is the day! We will be leaving bright and early tomorrow and heading to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, VA! The boys just found out about the trip Saturday thanks to my little sister LOL. They were sitting around the table with her and she was talking about the trip and Austin (my 6 year old) looked at her and said "can we come?" and she said "duh! You ARE going!"

Ah well, it was so funny that I couldn't help but laugh. They would have found out eventually and I think because they really don't know what Great Wolf is, and they've never been there, they don't really know what to expect so I haven't been bugged constantly with "are we leaving today?" "can we go now?" etc etc.

We'll be spending 2 nights and 3 days there. Then we'll be leaving there and heading to my in laws house to spend Thursday night through Sunday night at their house. We always spend the 4th of July with them (well for the last few years anyway) because they have a huge parade in their town, plus a carnival and then fireworks that night. After fireworks hubby and I will be leaving to come back home. The boys will be staying with them! Avery (the 3 year old) will stay for 1 week. I don't want him to miss a full summer of speech therapy and he'll have already missed 2 weeks between great wolf and his week with them. The two older boys will be staying with the in laws for the rest of their summer break! They'll be back home sometime the middle of August.

Oh glorious peace and quiet!!

Once hubby and I get back here, then Tuesday (the 6th) we have the "big" ultrasound! Ack! I'm excited/nervous about it. It is what it is though I guess.

While I'm gone I'd love a couple guest bloggers! If you're interested leave a comment here or email me (mommyshiding (at) yahoo (dot) com) I will be bringing the laptop and hopefully responding to comments/emails as I can, but will be spending the week relaxing with my family and having some fun so please be patient!

I can't wait! So excited! Everything is packed and ready to go in the car first thing in the morning! Have a great holiday everyone!

Monday Minute!

2010-06-28T09:11:00.000-04:00

Linking up again this week for Monday Minute!

Has anyone you've known personally lived to at least 100?

No I don't believe so. My grandmother died close to 100, but didn't make it there.

What material possession do you value the most?

Probably my laptop! I mean geez it's my link to the WORLD people!! LOL

What do you think happens to us after we die?

Honestly I don't know. I hope that we don't die and that's it. I would hope that there is a heaven where we meet back up with our family members that have already passed. Guess we'll all find out one day.

Most embarrassing item in your house?

Oy the carpets! Good thing we're renting and it's not "ours" ya know?! Or I would have changed it a LONG time ago!

and finally...

If you could rename yourself, what would your name be?

I honestly would have just switched my first and middle names. I've always gone by my first name, so why have it as my middle name?!

Getting to know me - 6/27/10

2010-06-27T15:38:00.000-04:00

Linking up for Getting to know you - Mostly Girly Edition :)

The Questions:

1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?

Tummy tuck definitely! Get rid of this c-section pooch!

2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?

I watch Young and The Restless and As The World Turns

My fav? Probably Young and The Restless as I've been watching it the longest.

3. Favorite clothing brand?

I definitely do NOT have a favorite brand.

4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?

OMG with these kids? Maid service PLEASE!

5. would you ever vajazzle?

I got a "free" sample the other day and I'm trying work up the courage LOL.

6. Favorite Disney Princess?

Belle

7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?

Dear John.

8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?

Nope never!

Letters of Intent and Happy Friday Follow!

2010-06-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

Today is Friday!! Since it's friday I'm linking up with Foursons for Letters of Intent!

Dear 3 year old son,
   Patting mommy's belly over and over saying "really big belly" is not very nice. Yes it was cute, and yes I smiled and didn't strangle you. But it doesn't make it any more "right". Got it?

Love your pregnant mom with the "really big belly"

Dear 6 year old son,
    When you were rubbing my belly last night and saying "the baby is in here" it made my heart melt. Then when you claimed my belly was so big that you could feel the baby's head, I thought you were gonna join your 3 year old brother in being strangled. I am almost 18 weeks pregnant....I can guarentee that is not the baby's head you were feeling.

Love your pregnant mom who isn't THAT pregnant yet!

Dear Husband,
    You've been alive for almost 30 years now. Are you trying to tell me no one has told you that you don't tell a woman "your belly is really getting big" yet? Even if you included "I know it's not your fault" I still wanted you to join your sons in being strangled.

Love your pregnant wife who's belly will get a LOT bigger and you know this!

I think I need some estrogen in my house to teach these guys what NOT to say to a girl!

If you're here from Friday Follow welcome! I can guarentee that you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll think I'm insane :) Pull up a chair and read my blog! I'm a 29 year old stay at home mom with 3 boys and pregnant with baby #4. We'll find out the sex on July 6th and I'm pretty sure if it's another boy I'll end up committed ;) LOL

Enjoy reading, and leave me a link so I can follow back!

Summer Vacation

2010-06-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

I'm linking up again this week with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out. Read my blog then go read others who are pouring their heart out too.

So the last day of school for my boys is today. Yes I know everyone else's kids have been out of school f.o.r.e.v.e.r, Yes I know they've had a very long school year. Add to the fact that we moved mid school year and they started a brand new school in a brand new state and I'm sure the year has felt even longer to them.

But see this winter we had the "blizzard of 2010" and they ended up out of school for almost 2 weeks!! Every other school district in the state requested a waiver of missed days so they wouldn't have to make them up. Not our school district though. Nope, they decided they would make up ALL but 1 day. So my kids have been in school almost 2 weeks longer than every other school district in the state. But that's beside the point, and I've gone off on a tangent :P

As I was saying, today is the last day of school. My boys get out of school at 12:55 today. I read all these other posts about how happy people are that the kids are on summer break and how much fun their going to have this summer. That is not me. As happy as I am the kids are out of school, I am not happy for me, I am happy for the kids! I remember being a kid and just getting so excited about summer break and being so happy that school was over for the year. So I am not ruining that for them. I'm thrilled that school is out for them. I'm so happy that they finished this very hard year on top of everything that has happened. Not only did they "finish" but they finished on TOP. Perfect grades, perfect behavior. Absolutely no trouble, and they have made a lot of new friends.

But I can not look forward to having the kids home all day. I can not look forward to the fighting, the yelling, the screaming, the tantrums. I love when the kids go off to school and the house is quiet for the day. I'm able to run my errands by myself and get everything done that I need done without fighting and without having to bribe someone to be go somewhere or be good while we're in the store.

Because of all of this when my mother in law asked last year if she could keep the two older boys for the summer break (she lives almost 4 hours away) I didn't hesistate for a second to say "Heck yeah!". The boys were gone last year from the end of June till the middle of August. I had Avery here, but he's a lot easier to deal with by himself!

This year when my mother in law asked yet again to keep them for the summer again I didn't hesistate to say "heck yeah!" But this time I asked my husband if we could do a family vacation before we send them off. So next week we are going to Great Wolf Lodge for a few days. After that we'll take the boys to the inlaws. I even asked my mother in law if she'd keep Avery this time too! But only for 2 weeks, and only if he'll stay. I won't force him, since he's still so young. And I don't want him to miss a full summer of speech therapy, so he won't stay all summer. But the two older boys will be there from July 1st until the middle of August again.

And you know what? They love it. It isn't like they want to stay home either. They love being up at their grandparents house. My inlaws live on quite a few acres of land. They have 4 wheelers and a river they take the boys to swim in. The boys have a blast. They always hit the carnival with the boys before they bring them home.

And I enjoy a nice summer without the screaming and fighting. But I miss them like crazy.

The Happiness Project

2010-06-22T09:23:00.000-04:00

Linking up this week with Leigh again for the Happiness project. Go check out what makes others so happy too!

My oldest son Aidan choosing his youngest brother to play with over his friends at the family fun day at school last week :)

Happy Homemaker Monday!

2010-06-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

Linking up for Happy Homemaker Mondays!

The weather in my neck of the woods:

Hot, Hot and more hot. We've hit the pool almost everyday lately!

Things that make me happy:

my kids, retail therapy, the pool

Book I'm reading:

Not reading anything at this time.

What I'm enjoying on TV:

All my shows are on season break or whatever. Can I just say how much I HATE summer TV time?! Usually it's:
House
Mentalist
Dr. Phil
CSI
and whatever reality show is on at the time (ie: American Idol, Amazing Race, blah blah)

On the menu for dinner:

Absolutely no clue yet! LOL

On my To Do List:

Make beds
laundry
vacumme
dust
mop

New Recipe I tried or want to try soon:

I just found a really nice sounding salsa recipe that I'd love to try. And a nice fruit salad recipe I'd like to make.

In the craft basket:

Never really any good at crafts.

Looking forward to this week:

Kids getting out of school and being able to sleep in!

Tips and Tricks:

Put a password on your laptop! It keeps your kids off of it and leaves it all for you :)

My favorite blog post this week:

The week's just started...I'll let you know!

Blog Hopping (a new discovered blog you would like to share with the readers):

Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to read anything

No words needed (favorite photo or picture, yours or others you want to share):

Lesson learned the past few days:

taking all 3 kids to the pool by myself usually ends up turning into a nightmare.

On my mind:

how the boys want to go to the pool but I really don't want to take them by myself!

Devotionals, Scripture Reading, Key Verses:

Sorry not into that really.

Monday Minute

2010-06-21T11:26:00.001-04:00

I'm linking up this week for Monday Minute! First time linking up with The Daily Dose of Reality. Check it out and link up too!

This week's questions are...

1 - Have you ever had any feelings towards one of your teachers back in the day?

Oh I've had plenty of teachers that were "hot". But no way would I ever act on it! LOL

2 - What's the most embarrassing thing that happened while at work?

If I can't remember it couldn't have been that embarrassing right? I'm sure there were plenty of times when I was waiting tables that I tripped and either dropped food, or spilled something. I'm clumsy like that :P

3 - When was the last time you ~~crapped yourself~~ sharted?

OMG that happened to me last year! So not cool!

4 - What is one thing you have always kept a secret and why have you kept this a secret for so long?

Everyone has secrets right?! And if we told people it wouldn't be a secret duh! I can say that if I kept a secret it would be because it was something that I was ashamed of, or didn't want people to know about and judge me for.

and finally...

5 - What's your best advice for us habitual coffee drinkers as to not have to poop right after drinking it?

umm have some cheese with it?! I dunno. I'm not really a coffee drinker, and since being pregnant I can't even stand the smell of coffee!

Letters of Intent and Happy Friday Follow!

2010-06-17T23:01:00.001-04:00

Linking up today with Foursons for letters of intent! Go to her blog and check out other letters written by other bloggers! You're sure to laugh, you're sure to cry, you're sure to link your own post up!

Dear School System:

Can I ask what is the point behind the last 3 days of school being 1/2 days? I mean seriously, tomorrow is the last full day of school. Then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I need to take the boys to school at 9:20 and then pick them up at 12:55pm. What's the point? It isn't like they're going to do anything! That isn't enough time for me to do anything either!

Basically tomorrow is the last day of school. Then they'll have 3 days to play around with their friends for 3 hours each day. I should just keep them home Monday-Wednesday, but that would start my summer headache a few days early and I'm not ready to do that yet! I think whomever makes the school calender needs to have more common sense.

Sincerely,
A mother who thinks this is pointless.

If you're here from Friday Follow....Welcome!!

My name is Heather and I'm the grumpy ol' troll who lives inside this blog. ;) I'm a mother to 3 of the cutest, roughest, most awesome, toughest, boys on the planet. I'm pregnant with our 4th (and last!) child.

Pull up a chair and read a few entries! Leave a comment to make me feel better for sitting here blogging instead of doing the laundry.

16 weeks

2010-06-17T20:42:00.000-04:00

Today I had my 16 week OB appt. After the fiasco at my previous appt (which you can read about here)
I was both excited and nervous to go today. Today I finally saw a high risk doctor. He was very nice. When he came in the room he asked if I had any questions. I told him I actually had quite a few! LOL

He told me that he was going to listen to the heartbeat first and then we would go over all my questions and any other things we needed to go over.

He put the doppler to my belly and immediately we heard the nice strong heartbeat. We listened to it for a minute before he turned it off. He didn't give me a range or anything, but it was definitely normal.

I sat up and he looked to see if they had received my operative report from my last c-section that I had with Avery. They hadn't. He told me to call the hospital Avery was born at and speak with medical records. He told me to tell them that I needed a copy of my last operative report sent to my new OB.

He asked me if I remembered what was said during my last c-section and I told him everything. He said because of the issues I had last time that there is no way we want to wait till 39 weeks to deliver this baby. He said his suggestion would be to schedule a amniocentesis at 37 weeks. If the baby's lungs are mature that day then the very next day we would go in for the c-section. Should the baby's lungs not be mature we would schedule the c-section for 38 weeks and not a day later.

I tried to talk him into a sonogram today by telling him about the huge descrepency in my due dates between them and what the specialist has. I told him that the difference is almost 2 weeks and that could mean the difference between rupturing and not rupturing. He completely agreed with me. Although he said that until I am 24 weeks there is really nothing to be concerned about. He told me at 24 weeks is when we would start monitoring for problems with my uterus. Since my anatomy sonogram is in 2 1/2 weeks he said we could wait until that sonogram and we would go by that sono to determine due date. He said we would also go by that sonogram to schedule the amnio and the c-section.

I don't know how but I also have lost 3 lbs since my last appt! LOL I definitely am not trying to lose weight right now, but I surely am not complaining either. He wasn't concerned at all obviously cause he never even mentioned it. Blood pressure and urine was completely fine too.

Sent me home with the lab sheet for my AFP test, so I need to go tomorrow to get more blood drawn *woohoo* .

So a completely uneventful appt, which don't get me wrong is wonderful for me for this pregnancy. And I was very happy with the doctor I had this time and the way he answered my questions.

Still wish I would have gotten that sonogram today though LOL. I was hoping for a little peek to see if we could see the sex of the baby so it can stop driving me nuts!

Pour My Heart Out - On being a mom to boys

2010-06-16T22:15:00.003-04:00

I'm linking up this week for Pour your heart out with Shell. Go read other posts pouring their heart out too!

I have 3 boys. That's no secret. I seriously can't tell you how many times I've gotten comments from people about having all boys. Things from "all boys huh?!" to "what you didn't want a girl?" There's been some stupid comments, and some very funny comments.

Being a mom to all boys is something that only another mom to all boys can understand. It's almost like there is this secret "bond" there that us mom's of boys have. You know that "wave" all motorcyclists give each other? Or even the "nod" that happens between guys wearing the same team jersey. Moms of boys belong to their own little club.

When I got pregnant with my third child and found out it was another boy there was a lot of feelings that went through my head. I wrote a blog entry about it, and this is what I said....

When the lady said during the ultrasound "Do you know what that is?" when she scanned over the penis, My heart sank. I immediately knew, hell I've seen it twice already. I said "It's a boy." and gave a huge sigh. She said "yep, there's the penis". Roy patted my thigh and asked if I was ok. I said "I'm ok" while holding back the tears. We went through the rest of the sonogram, and saw everything perfect and normal. We heard his heartrate (at 160 bpm) and I said outloud "That's girl range...I'm really upset". Roy patted my leg again, and we continued on. She listened to the blood going through the umbilical cord, his chest, his brain, etc. Everything showing perfectly normal. She got pictures of his fingers, toes, face, etc. All which show a lot better on my pictures then they scanned in. She said because of the size of my other two boys she wants me to come back in 6 weeks for another sonogram, and in 6 weeks after that for a final one. As of right now he is measuring right on schedule at 20 weeks. He weighs 14 oz. All my tests for cystic fibrosis, down syndrome, etc have come back negative and normal. He's perfect.

As we left the hospital and walked down the sidewalk Roy grabbed my hand and asked if I was ok. I said "I'm better than I thought I would be." And while we walked to the car Roy kept saying "it's ok" and " I wanted a girl too" The tears started to fall (as they are while I'm typing this now) and I said "I still want a big stork in the front yard" Roy said "why wouldn't you get it?" And I said "Because you said only if it was a girl could I get it" and Roy claims he doesn't remember saying that, and that I could definately have one. Part of me knows he doing it just to make me feel better.

We got in the car and I called Christine (my neighbor) I said "you know those girl clothes you have?" and she said "The girl clothes? Yeah...do you need them???" and I said "you can get rid of them." She squeeled and then laughed and asked if Roy was giving me the emotional support I needed. I told her yeah, and she said how happy she was for me. I hung up with her and Roy called his boss. He said to his boss "what is the only thing you have that I don't? Besides a 10 inch penis" (LMAO) Then Roy said "yep a third boy". **sidenote** Roy's boss told him not to try for a third because he ended up having a third boy when they tried for a girl and his exact words were "I love my youngest son, but if I had to do it over again I wouldn't do it." So Roy's boss laughed at him and then they hung up.

Roy asked if I wanted to go out to lunch before my next appt and I said yeah. He took me to Rocky Run, which is one of my favorite places to eat. While we ate lunch I called my dad and told him. He said "another boy, how wonderful congratulations!!" and called my mom who said "oh lord." and "All that matters is that he's healthy and perfect, god forbid should it have been a girl and something been wrong."

We ate lunch and talked about nothing really. It was nice to get out without the kids, and have a conversation that had nothing to do with kids.

Went to my 20 week OB appt and heartrate was 156, BP was normal, I've gained 8 lbs so far, and the doctor asked if we found out the sex and I said "yeah it's another boy" and she kinda smiled and said "You have half of a baseball team now!"

We went back to MIL's and her response was "You're gonna stop after this one right? you aren't gonna have like 10 trying for a girl are you?" My jaw dropped. Roy looked at me then said to his mom "First of all how many we have is none of your business. Second of all I'm not talking to you right now about something that may happen a few years down the road. (this surprised me for a few reasons. 1) Roy has always said that after the third is born 2 months later he was getting snipped. And 2) that left the option open for always trying again in the future if we decided to do so)

We came home instead of going to the ren faire, and later friday evening I called my mom again. I told her what my MIL had said and my mom said "Heather, would you seriously think of having a 4th?" And I lost it at that point and said "Mom, the rational side of me says no way, but I don't know if I could honestly live without ever having a daughter." And my mom said "You could have 6 before you had a girl" and I said "I know, and that's why part of me says no" and she said again how he is healthy and that's all that matters etc etc. I said "I don't know why everyone is so god damn happy that it's a boy" and she said "Because he's healthy."

*sigh*

I told my mom that "I sincerely hope I wake up tomorrow morning and I'm happy and excited about another boy". She said "well maybe not tomorrow...but it will happen."

Now, there's no way I could imagine my life without my third son. He is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me.

Three months after I had my third son my sister gave birth to my niece. When my mom squeeled with delight and then went to see my sister as soon as she got home from the hospital I questioned why she would do that but completely ignore the fact that my son was born 3 months before that. Her response was one I will never ever forget.

"He's just another boy Heather. Nothing special about him. This one is a girl!!"

Now that I'm pregnant again and will be finding out the sex in just about 2 1/2 weeks all these feelings are starting to come up again. I've been trying so hard to prepare myself for the fact that it is very possible, and most likely will be another boy. How will I handle that? Will I be ok with that news? Can I get just as excited about this boy as my other three?

One thing I do know is that boy or girl I will/do love this baby just as much as I love my other boys.

And if it is another boy, I know that all the other moms will only boys will continue to give me the secret nod/shake/wave and we'll continue to be able to know that only us other moms of only boys know exactly what each other is feeling like.

The Single Married Mother

2010-06-15T14:03:00.000-04:00

Ok so it's time for a "serious" entry. I've had this entry brewing for a while now. Excuse me while I vent a little bit.

Sometimes I feel like a single mom. I've been married for 9 years on monday, and still sometimes it sure doesn't seem like it. The feeling mainly happens during school functions for my boys.

My husband does NOT attend school functions. Ever. I can tell you that he's attended a school function exactly 2 times. TWICE! My oldest son is 8 years old and going into 3rd grade. So he's gone Twice in the almost 5 years of a kid going to school.

If you're on my facebook you already know about this, but I'm going to tell the story again for everyone else.

The other day my older boys' school had a "end of the year picnic". It started at 5pm and afterwards they were having a "parent vs staff kickball game." Now of course I wasn't planning on participating in that, but I wanted to go to the picnic with the boys so they could celebrate the end of the school year with their friends and teachers. My husband didn't really give me a hard time about going which was surprising. I packed our picnic lunch, got a blanket, got everyone ready and after talking to my husband we decided to walk up to the school to avoid trying to find a parking spot. We walked up to the school and as soon as we got there my husband said "are you sure you want to do this? We can just go home you know and not deal with this." I told him of course I wanted to do it and to suck it up. We set up our blanket and the boys started saying hi to their friends and everything. We ate our dinner and 10 minutes later I said to my husband "we should have driven, it would have made it easier to take everything home." My husband then said to me "Do you want me to go get the car and come right back?" I said "if you want to." So he said to me "Ok I'll go get the car, I'll be back in 15 min." He got up and walked down the street to the house. The older boys ran off to play with their friends and Avery and I started watching the staff vs parent kickball game. An hour and 20 min later the game was over and everyone was starting to clean up their stuff and leave. Needless to say my husband still hadn't come back. I packed up everything and grabbed my cell (which I am SO glad I brought being hubby told me to leave it at home) and called my husband. He answered the phone and before I could say anything he said "I'm on my way." He pulled up a minute later and got out of the car with this big smile on his face. I was SO mad. I told him how ridiculous he was and how I couldn't believe he would leave his wife and kids at a picnic and say he'll be "right back" and then not come back till I called him to come get us! He claimed he didn't want to be there and that the kids told him they wanted to stay so he just stayed home until we were ready to come home.

Most of the time he just refuses to go.

If it's not an evening activity then it's always the excuse "I'm at work I can't". He's never gone to a "dad's and donuts" morning at school. Never gone to a concert, awards assembly, teacher conference, etc etc.

Now I completely understand how he gets up for work at 4:30am. I understand how most fathers don't start work till 9am so being "an hour late" isn't an option for my husband. These other dads can just tell work they'll be a little late. By the time they start work my husband is half way done with his day. He doesn't think there's any point in going in at 5am and leaving work at 9am to go to a school function and then going back to work at 10 and being there for another 2 hours.

But don't you think it would mean THE WORLD to the boys?! If their dad showed up for these dad and me functions or their concert or when they get an award? Even if dad went on a field trip once a year instead of mom doing it.

I try my best to do everything I possibly can when it comes to school things with the kids. I can't get to everything for everyone being that I have 3 kids in 2 different schools having functions. But I attend 90% of their things. And I attend them alone.

What brought this up for me today is the fact that today is my kindergarteners end of the year/kindergarten graduation family picnic and party. Of course I'm going to be there! And when I think about how many fathers will probably be there. Some in suits and ties, some only there for an hour of the 3 hour event, but still showing up. Some who took the day off for this celebration. And where is my son's father? At work. Didn't say a word to my son about his "big day" today. Didn't tell me to make sure to take lots of pictures. Didn't do any of that.

Tomorrow my almost 3rd grader has his end of the year party and family picnic. He then has a concert right afterwards. Does my husband plan on being there? No.

I'm sure the school (and parents at the school) think I'm a single mom.

And it's times like this that I feel like a single married mother.

The Happiness Project - Testosterone World

2010-06-15T08:21:00.002-04:00

Today I'm linking up with Leigh Vs Laundry for the Happiness Project!
This is the my first time linking up with her, so I hope I do this right!
Something that makes me happy....

Those boys are what makes me happy. Yes they drive me nuts most of the time. Yes they make me feel like I am THAT mom. But I don't know how I ever lived without them in my life.

I heart Faces - week 24 Babies

2010-06-14T10:07:00.001-04:00

Week 24 - June 14th - "All About Babies"

We are going to celebrate itty-bitty babies this week...anywhere from babies still in mom's belly... to newborns... to little babies who still aren't taking their first steps. Since we know that not everyone has access to a teeny-tiny little one, we are expanding this week's theme to include baby animals or baby accessories as well (ie. little booties that a baby would wear, or a special baby hat, etc.) Enter a photo that you feel best shows off the theme of "baby" for you.

This photo is a picture of my now 6 year old holding my now 3 year old when he was just born. Could they really have been that small before?! Seems impossible!

Make sure to go to I♥faces to get your baby fix in by clicking the picture below!!

Happy Friday Follow, Friday Blog Hop! And Guest Blogger!

2010-06-11T10:08:00.002-04:00

hello there!! Glad to have you visiting my blog. If you're here from Friday follow or Friday Blog Hop, please pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and have a look around! This blog has a little of everything. You'll find happiness, tears, stress and all that!

You'll see that sometimes I tell it like it is and you'll love me for it I'm sure :)

I have a guest blogger today too!! Go check out Birthday Party Dilemma the blog from my Guest Blogger Mommy Loves Stilettos! If you haven't read Michelle, what are you waiting for?? She's awesome! And she's having a giveaway going on right now!

♥Birthday Party Dilemma

2010-06-11T00:00:00.002-04:00

Hey there! I'm Michelle from Mommy Loves Stilettos and I am so excited to be guest posting on Heather's blog! Heather and I are bloggy friends from WAY back and I just love her so I feel all honored to be posting on her blog :)

I'm going to share with you a post from a couple of months back. Why? Cause I'm not feeling like an overachiever today and because it's always good to hear what other mom's think of my crazy thoughts! :)

If you read me already you may remember my post on crazy girl scout mom. If not, go read it!

Crazy Girl Scout Mom's daughter's birthday party is today. So naturally I’ve got a dilemma here. I don’t really want Katelyn to go. Why? Well because she’s CRAZY girl scout mom. But at the same time, she’s probably harmless. I mean, my only judgement (I know, bad) is that she is just overly strict on her six year old and that the poor girl is going to grow up with some serious issues. I asked Katelyn if she wanted to go to the party and of course she wants to go because all of her friends are going.

So – off to Target a few nights ago to buy a present. Now, here’s another dilemma. What the hell kind of present do I buy? We are perusing Target and Katelyn picks out a Moxie girl because the birthday girl likes dolls. Well, I nixed that idea….and QUICK. I don’t let my daughter play with Bratz dolls because they look like street walkers – and Moxie girlz are close to that. I mean, if I don't really think they are appropriate, can you imagine what would happen if crazy girl scout mom knew I sent these as a present??

And I sure as hell don’t want to be THAT mom that send a whoreish birthday gift for a six/seven year old. I then suggest a board game. Her mom has to allow those right? Ok, so we walk over there and Katelyn looks around and then says, “mom I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

"Why???"

“Because birthday girl does a LOT of stuff. She’s like the BEST ice skater ever, she does girlscouts, soccer, t-ball, basketball…….etc. She doesn’t have TIME for a board game.”

I’m thinking WTF. What KID doesn’t have time for a board game at that age??? Apparently this is a parenting FAIL for me because my daughter has all the time in the world for board games people! She has her activities but her schedule is not that full and I can promise you it never will be. I’m all for kids being involved in extracurriculars…but really…isn’t that a bit much for a seven year old? There I go being judgemental again. Anyway – after all was said and done we settled on something similar to this because Katelyn insisted that birthday girl likes them.

Seriously, it shouldn’t take that long to pick out a birthday gift. But this mom is intense I tell you!

Then I get home and I look at the invitation to see what time the party is . It’s at some country club (WTF for seven year olds?) and they are supposed to come “dressed up with their favorite doll”. Well I’ll be honest, Kate is not a doll girl. She’s just not into them and has never really been into them. She’s owned them and never played with them and gave them away. We have one doll that is not a Barbie and it’s a babydoll that she named Cole. I bought it for her when I was pregnant with Cole to get her used to the idea of a baby brother. She’s hung onto it all this time and he’s…well he’s dingy. Ha. He’s missing his clothes and I don’t know where they are. The face is dirty. I cannot send a dirty naked Cole baby with her to this party! Damn it,

I’m screwed. I guess I’m going back to Target.

Make sure you come enter my giveaway!! :)

Can't wait for vacation!

2010-06-10T10:00:00.001-04:00

So my last post was a blog I wrote a few years ago. If you haven't read it yet go back now and read it!

Summertime Scary Days

So since that incident I've had the boys in swim lessons. Still to this day Aidan absolutely flips out should he get into water where he can't reach the bottom of the pool. If during swim lessons the instructor wants them to "jump" into the 5 feet and swim back to the wall (with her right there) Aidan flips out. I'm talking full fledged crying and begging me not to make him do it. Saying he's scared. Saying he's going to drown etc etc.

He doesn't want to take swim lessons anymore. I've told Roy that is absolutely out of the question. He NEEDS them. He HAS TO take them. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

The outdoor pools around here have a section on the deck with life jackets for non swimmers. Aidan will not go in the water without a life jacket on. I've told him he'll never learn to swim if he is always wearing a life jacket. He doesn't care. It's very inconvienant because if your child has a life jacket on then an adult must be "within arms reach". Difficult when I have 3 kids wearing life jackets!

So anyways, this summer we've decided our vacation is going to be to Great Wolf Lodge.

We've never been before and I've always heard just such awesome great things about it. I'm so excited to go and think the boys will have so much fun. But it's a huge waterpark!

Do you see where my dilemma is??

I called Great Wolf Lodge and was told that life jackets can be worn both in the waterpark AND on ALL of the rides. Awesome! Great! Aidan (and Austin) will be so happy.

At the same time again I say to myself "he's never going to learn to swim if he's able to wear a life jacket all the time!" But I know that at least with a life jacket on he'll ride the rides and have fun. It's such a dilemma though!

At first I was thinking of that saying "get right back on the horse." Figuring if I got him in swim lessons and took him to the pool he'd learn to swim, and get over his fear after the incident. Now I'm thinking, "what if he is like this forever?!"

*sigh*

Any Advice? Thoughts?

Summertime Scary Days

2010-06-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

This blog was originally written back on June 12th of 2007. I will tell you the reason I'm re-writing this blog in my next entry.

This was by far the scariest day of my life (so far!)

Blog from June 12, 2007-

We got up at 6:20 this morning (and the boys didn't even go to sleep till 10pm last night!!). We sat around here for a while, then got in the shower, checked the weather report to hear that today was supposed to be sunny with a high of 79 and tomorrow a chance of thunderstorms high of 72. So we decided to use today to hit the waterpark instead of the beach. The ocean is much to cold to swim in anyway...so sitting on the beach playing in the sand sounds a lot nicer in the cooler 72 degree weather LOL. First off let me just say that I wasn't to pleased with the waterpark. It's more of a "pool" than a park. In the sense that it has a wave pool and a kiddie area with a lazy "river" (a small oval) and kiddie slides in the middle of a kiddie pool that had different structures in it to climb on. The "slides" were the size of a backyard slide. Then at the other side of the park was the actual "water slides" for like older kids and adults.

When we first got there Aidan immediately wanted to go on the big water slides. We spoke with a lifeguard who told us that "the red and blue side are tandem slides". So We decided I would stay at the bottom with the baby who was in the stroller and Austin who didn't meet the height requirements to ride, and that Roy would take Aidan and go on the slide with him. They headed up the stairs and I walked to the bottom of the slides and got the camera ready. It seemed to take forever but finally I saw someone coming down the slide. I snapped a picture and realized it wasn't Aidan or Roy. I said to Austin "Oh that's not daddy and Aidan" and the guy said to me "oh I think the people you're talking about are coming down right behind us. I thanked him and got ready again. Next thing you know I see Aidan coming down the slide.....head first.....on his belly. I IMMEDIATELY dropped the camera, let go of the stroller and started running towards the "pool" at the bottom of slide. As I saw Aidan go under the water and not come back up I started screaming at the top of my lungs at the lifeguard that was on the side of the "pool". I was screaming "OMG HE CAN'T SWIM!!!!! HE'S UNDERWATER...HE CAN'T SWIM!!!" I was basically hurdling the fence at this point and it seemed like everything was in slow motion. I saw Aidan under the water, his eyes were HUGE and he was trying desperately to get to the top. The lifeguard didn't seem to be moving and I couldn't get there fast enough. I'm screaming and screaming. I was at the edge of the pool about to jump in myself when the lifeguard dove in and grabbed Aidan. She pulled him out of the water and his eyes were as big as soccer balls. I'm screaming his name and his mouth is just wide open. That's when I realized it....He wasn't breathing!! The lifeguard gave his stomach one big heilmich manuever push kinda thing and all this water came out of his mouth and he started coughing and crying. I grabbed him and just held him. I was crying, he was crying, and then I noticed the innertube came down after Aidan did. I asked Aidan "where's daddy?" Aidan said "daddy promised he's be at the bottom to catch me, he promised mommy." I asked him what happened to the innertube and he didn't answer. He just kept repeating "I was scared to death mommy, I was scared to death" I told him that I was right there and I would NEVER let ANYTHING happen to him EVER. At that point the lifeguard said for us to stay put that she needed to contact her superviser because of what had happened. It was THEN that I noticed Roy. He was walking towards us with a big smile on his face. A SMILE! After our son had almost DROWNED. I went off. "What the fuck where you thinking??" "He almost drowned Roy!" " the lifeguard had to save him" Roy said "he's fine Heather" "FINE?? HE CAN'T SWIM ROY!, what were you thinking?!? HE ALMOST DIED!" Roy said "The lifeguard at the top said the only way to ride tandem was to rent a tandem tube, so I asked Aidan if he wanted to go down by himself and he said yes"

"OMG OF COURSE HE SAID YES ROY!!" "HE CAN'T SWIM!!!!!!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND LETTING HIM GO BY HIMSELF?"

I was so scared I was shaking. I still hadnt put Aidan down, and the supervisor came over and made sure he was ok and asked if everything was ok. I told her that his father should NEVER have let him go down by himself that he couldn't swim, but that everything was ok now. She gave Aidan and Austin some free life vests to use for the rest of the day. Obviously at SOME point while going down the slide Aidan flipped off of the innertube. Not that it matters anyway, cause even with the innertube he should NEVER have been allowed to go down by himself.

As soon as we get home he's going right into swim lessons and I'll be damned if I EVER trust Roy again at an amusement park with my kids again. I've kept telling him all day "You tried to drown my son"

He's so nonchalant about the whole thing. Just keeps kinda laughing about it and saying "he's fine Heather" Yeah he is fine....NO THANKS TO YOU!" And poor Aidan just keeps saying "I was scared to death mommy" and telling Roy "Bad daddy, you hurt me, I couldn't get up in the water, I tried and tried, but the water wasn't letting me up"

It was by far the scariest day of my life.

Looking for a Guest Blogger!

2010-06-09T10:59:00.001-04:00

I'm looking for a guest blogger! I'd like to find someone to be a guest blogger on my blog. I'd like to start doing this once a week, so if it's something you would be interested in please email me! Mommyshiding (at) yahoo (dot) com.!

Looking for someone to blog about young children, raising young children, saving money, being fruggle, raising boys, having a big family, Apraxia, anything!!!

Do you know of a blogger who you really enjoy who may be interested?! Send them my way!

Are you interested in being a guest blogger on my blog?! Email me!

I Heart Faces week 23- Play

2010-06-07T10:20:00.002-04:00

This week’s theme at I heart Faces is “Play”. This is the week to show off your little child, older children or oldest children (a.k.a. your spouse and friends) hard at play. This theme is very open - it can be a child playing in the sand, a hubby strumming his guitar, and older child participating in a sport or a friend sewing their latest creation. Whatever you think fits the theme of "play"...just make sure that there is a human face showing in your photo entry as well.

Aidan and Avery hard at play at the splash park :)

Be sure to head on over to iheartfaces to see more cuties at play!

Regular Moms -vs- Special Needs Moms

2010-06-03T09:29:00.001-04:00

Regular Moms vs Special Needs Moms

Moms, a stranger walks among you. We look like regular moms, but we are the hybrid to your standard engine. Our child’s disability altered us, enhanced us. Many words describe us: resilient, creative, protective, emboldened, sympathetic, fierce and determined. We are special needs moms. How do our lives stand apart from your own? Take a look under the hood and see for yourself.

by Dawn Villarreal, One Place for Special Needs, May 2010

Regular moms tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.

Special needs moms put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.

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Regular moms ask their kids if they brushed their teeth.

Special needs moms prompt, “Brush your top teeth. Brush your bottom teeth. Did you get the sides? Open your mouth. My God, give me that toothbrush! You’ve left half your meal in there!”

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Regular moms wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.

Special needs moms get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.

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Regular moms know the names of all their friends.

Special needs moms know most of their friends by their username.

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Regular moms judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.

Special needs moms say to themselves, “Hmm, I wonder which disability he has?”

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Regular moms complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.

Special needs mom grin and bear the weekly trips to tutors, doctors and therapists.

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Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.

Special needs moms’ kids have a team.

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Regular moms talk about accomplishments.

Special needs moms talk about skills, as in play skills, conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.

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Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.

Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.

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Regular moms think accommodations refer to hotels.

Special needs moms have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.

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Regular moms hope their child finds a good career.

Special needs moms are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.

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Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.

Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.

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Regular moms enjoy reading the latest best selling book.

Special needs moms should receive an honorary degree for all the disability books they’ve read.

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Regular moms go out for dinner and a movie with their husbands every month.

Special needs moms have a date night with their husbands every…wait, what decade is this?

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Regular moms complain their kids won’t eat their vegetables.

Special needs moms are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.

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Regular moms’ kids go to play groups.

Special needs moms’ kids go to therapy groups.

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Regular moms meet for a ladies night out.

Special needs moms get together at support groups and forums.

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Regular moms have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.

Special needs moms will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.

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Regular moms think OT means overtime.

Special needs moms know more acronyms than a NASA engineer.

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Regular moms complain their husbands sit on the couch while they do all the work.

Special needs moms…well how about that? Some things do stay the same!

Wordless Wednesday!

2010-06-02T21:10:00.000-04:00

*sigh* Boy I love that boy!

Finally got a new laptop!!

2010-06-01T20:37:00.000-04:00

Yay!! Hubby came home with a new laptop for me last night! I had a feeling he was out getting one when we were at Target and I said "Ok I'm heading home now." (we drove seperately because he was at the gym beforehand) and he said "Ok you head home I'm going somewhere else" I said "where are you going?" and he said "to another store...." LOL
He came home with a new laptop and said to me "Happy belated Mother's Day, Happy Anniversary (our 9 year anniversary is June 21st!) and Happy Birthday" Haha!

So Yay! Expect regular blogging again!

Let's do a few pictures in this entry to kind of catch us up! This past weekend was kind of like the unofficial start of summer with memorial day and all. Saturday we spent the day at my dad's house for his yearly memorial weekend BBQ. Then my husband was gone Sunday helping my dad do a side job, so I kept the boys busy with our first trip to the pool! After that we came home and had some snacks and I did the laundry then I took the boys to play some putt putt! On Monday my husband went back to the pool with us. It was a really nice weekend :)

Some pics from the weekend....

The bad midwife

2010-05-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

The OB practice I go to is a pretty big practice. They have about 8 midwives, and 8 regular OB/GYN's. Along with 2-3 Physician Assistants or whatever they are called.

When I made my first official "OB" appt for this pregnancy, they made it with a midwife. I had told them that it would be a 4th c-section for me, and they said it was fine that for the first 2 visits it didn't matter who you saw. I said ok and had my first visit. That visit went fine.

When I made this last appointment for my 12 week check it was also made with a midwife. When I got to my appt and she came in I told her I had a few questions/concerns for her. She started to look through my file and then she looked up at me and said "I don't know why you're seeing me. I only see low/no risk pregnancies." I said to her "Oh, well they made the appt with you because they said it didn't matter who I saw for the first 2 visits." She gave me this questionable look and said "really? well with this being your 4th c-section there's nothing I can do for you." I told her how I had my NT ultrasound the day before and that with that ultrasound they were sticking with my due date that I first got with this practice of November 28th. She looked at my file and said "No your due date is December 9th." I said "How can that be with a last menstrual date of February 21st?" She said "we go by your first sonogram which showed you at 7 weeks."

I KNOW that is bull crap because my first sonogram showed me at 9 weeks. And then the NT sonogram confirmed that as showing 12 weeks 3 days. She said "Well if they want to go by that date fine, but we're going by December 9th."

That is NOT gonna fly with me. First of all I have big babies anyway, so if they make me go 2 weeks longer that I'm supposed to you're looking at an 11 lb baby!! Second of all with all the complications I had with my 3rd c-section I am scared to death to go to 39 weeks at this point!!

I told her I had some concerns about the thin uterus and about if I should be seen more often as time goes on etc etc. She said "As I said before, I don't know why you're seeing me. I don't do high risk pregnancies."

Then she said "Well since you had your NT ultrasound yesterday and in your file it says you have a tilted anterior uterus I'm not even going to attempt to hear the heartbeat. You saw it yesterday so that's enough."

*blinks*

She then got up and left.

By the time I got to the car I was full fledged in tears. I called my husband who started going OFF. "How dare them treat you that way!" "we are paying them to do a job" etc etc.

I told him maybe I was completely over reacting. Maybe it was just the hormones or whatever.

I made my next appt with the same doctor who delivered my 2nd son. I'm really hoping for some answers and an agreement to change my due date back. I was/am so upset by my last visit.

I found out later that afternoon hubby ended up calling the practice and speaking with the Head Administrator or whatever. She told him it was a mistake on their part for me to ever see a midwife, but that she was completely wrong in the way she handled the situation. She told my husband that the midwife I saw should have immediately gone and gotten me a doctor to see and gotten someone who could answer my questions. She apologized profusely to him.

Now I'm all embarrassed that he made a stink and I have to go back to this practice for the next 6 months! UGH.

My sister suggested I call a perinatologist and see what they have to say. Call and see if I can get a consultation with one and see what they think about the complications I had during my last c-section and if there's anything to worry about with this pregnancy.

12 weeks!

2010-05-21T11:08:00.000-04:00

As I said, I had the ultrascreen tests done on Wednesday. Part of the tests is the sonogram (again I talked about that!) Well here are some pics from the sonogram!

Head to the right, feet curled down to the left. Hubby says the baby looks like a shrimp in this photo and makes him hungry! LOL

Tiny legs!

Again head to the right facing you.

Profile pic. Head to the right feet up to the left.

Next entry will be about my not so nice OB visit this morning. :(

Nothing wrong, just a not so nice doctor.

Ultrascreen

2010-05-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went for my Ultrascreen test for this pregnancy. This is where they measure the "skin fold" on the back of the baby's neck and it's supposed to tell them (along with a blood sample I sent in a week or so ago) about my risks for this baby to have Down Syndrome, or Trisomy 13 or 18 and other major neurological disorders.

Because of Avery's problems I've been especially nervous this time around. I've never really been a "worrier" during my pregnancies. Never really thought about the whole "miscarriage threat" during the first trimester, never really thought about "what if something is wrong with the baby" Hell I don't even remember ever doing any of these disorder tests with my other boys. It's just never been something I've thought about. I guess the whole "It won't happen to me" mentality was there.

I've asked my OB multiple times about things being wrong. Things that they would never know anyway. Things that typical pregnancy tests don't test for. Autism, Apraxia, Sensory problems, etc. They've made notes upon notes in my chart about my youngest son. Notes that really don't mean anything I'm sure, since it isn't something they can test for. They can only test for "Major" problems. They don't consider anything my youngest son has to be "major".

It doesn't matter that I think it's major. It doesn't matter that I pay thousands of dollars each year for therapy for Avery. They just keep saying "It's not something we can test for." And I have to accept that.

So yesterday while I was on the way to this test I was so extremely nervous. I mean if one of my kids can have "minor" neurological problems, why couldn't one have "major" problems right? Hubby couldn't go with me, and then he really hurt my feelings when I called to let him know I got there and he replied "well don't call me with the results because I'm going to be busy." That bothered me, I admit it.

I got there an hour early so I texted back and forth with my oldest sister a little bit and kept Avery busy with his Nintendo DS and a book I brought. When it was time to go up we did. I filled out all the paperwork and eventually was called back.

My heart was racing a mile a minute. Avery behaved very well though. When she put the wand to my belly we immediately saw the baby moving around. "well the baby is moving so we know there's a heartbeat!" She said. I gave a thumbs up and a sigh of relief. Avery and I watched on the TV screen as she went around the baby looking at things "oh look there's the baby's legs!" "aww the baby has it's arm by it's head!" etc. She took the measurements she needed. She said the "fold" had to be less than 3mm for there to be a low risk of problems. The fold measured 3 times at 1.1mm so well below the "danger zone."

After the sonogram she went to check on my blood test results. When she came back in she said according to just my blood results my risk was 1 in 644. When I gave her a "wow really?" look she responded "well you are getting up there in age!"

What?!?! Did she just call me OLD?! LOL

She said "when you add in the sonogram results your risk goes from 1 in 644 to 1 in 10,000!"

I know, there's still a chance. But at least it's a low one. Now maybe I can stop worrying so much?

Probably not.

A Broken Laptop means a Broken Blog!

2010-05-20T08:16:00.000-04:00

So I wrote my last entry on Friday May 7th. I went to bed that night and left hubby downstairs on my laptop. When I woke up Saturday morning, the older two boys had been awake for a little bit already. I sat myself down on the couch and was about to open the laptop to check on all my comments, emails etc. I opened my laptop and .... nothing.

The screen was bright white, but nothing was happening! ACK! I tried restarting the computer. Same thing, just a bright white screen. I did everything I could think of and nothing helped! I woke up my husband and said "Since you were the last one on my laptop, YOU are the one that broke it! You get up right now and go fix my laptop!!" He tried the "I wasn't the last one on it." bit with me. Umm excuse me?! Went I went to bed he was on it! After a minute he came downstairs and said I was right, he was the last one on it, but maybe the kids were on it this morning. Very possible, but who knows.

He tried a few different things and it still didn't work either!

I started freaking out. How was I going to survive without my laptop!! I mean sure I could get online on my iphone, but it's not the same!

And ever since then I've been without my laptop. Maybe hubby will buy me one for father's day?! LOL

I'm on the kids computer right now, which is SO old and slow and I just hate it! I need my outlet back! My laptop is the key to my sanity!

And THAT my friends is the reason for my broken blog :(

Please be paitent with me while I beg borrow and steal for a new laptop! LOL

What a week!

2010-05-07T21:50:00.000-04:00

Wow I can't believe the last time I blogged was Monday! It has been quite a week around here. As everyone knows it seems Avery and Austin came down with some kind of virus last weekend. By Monday I had taken Avery into the doctors about it. They decided to do a stool culture and test for Salmonella and Rotavirus plus other bacteria. Tuesday I took Austin to the doctor. I figured if they were testing Avery for these things, they may wanna test Austin too since they had the same symptoms.

I was told to keep them home till Thursday. Just great Monday was Avery's first day of preschool and then Tuesday he was home sick.

So let's go over this again. The complete total liquid explosive poops started friday morning. Now here it was Wednesday and I was still cleaning up this nasty liquid poop all day long. I was thankful that Austin was making it to the toilet, but when Austin would throw up he only made it to the toilet once.

I called the doctor Wednesday afternoon to see if they had Avery's results in yet and was told they didn't. Thursday morning I sent all 3 kids off to school. I told my sister "really, what are the chances that in the 2 hours he's at preschool that he'll have an explosive poop?" While the kids were at school I bleached Avery's mattress and steam cleaned the carpet with clorox 2. I started spraying the carpet with Lysol and I bleached the bathrooms. I got a phone call from the doctors that morning saying all of Avery's cultures came back negative. I told the doctor I was completely baffled. Why were they still having liquid poops and throwing up if everything is negative?! It has been almost a week now! Even the doctor agreed that most stomach virus's last 24, 48 at the very most 72 hours. This has gone on WAY beyond that!

I went to pick up Avery from school and out he walked with his spare clothes on. His teacher informed me that he had a "bad diarrhea" diaper. She said he freaked out and it took her a while to get him to let her change him. She said she ended up just taking him into the bathroom and kind of spraying him down with some water and a cloth. She told me he would need to be cleaned better and that he "probably needs a bath". She went on to tell me "maybe he shouldn't come back tomorrow in case it happens again, because I won't be here to change him."

What are the chances of him having one in the 2 hours he was in school? Obviously with my luck, very good.

Spoke with the doctor again and was told if it was still going on Monday to bring him back in.

Austin was fine at school Thursday and had a normal poop Thursday night. Obviously Austin was on the upswing!

Yesterday morning we find out someone had hacked into my paypal account and charged 320.00 worth of gaming site "coins" to my check card. They bought playfish "cash" and pogo games and stupid things like that. I then went to sign into my email and found they had hacked my email too and changed my password!! It wasn't very hard since paypal has my email and the passwords were the same. I immediately emailed playfish and pogo stating that I had never made those purchases and that I wanted them reversed. Also went and put in unauthorized charges disputes with paypal for each transaction. Then immediately called the bank. Bank said they couldn't do anything until Paypal decided what they were going to do. Got an email yesterday afternoon from paypal saying they agreed in our favor and that the money would be refunded in 2-3 business days. Called the bank again (since I was charged an NSF fee for one of the transactions) and was told they won't reverse the charges till Paypal deposits the money.

Changed all my passwords and security questions and took my check card off my paypal account.

Kept Avery home from school today and sent the other two boys off to school. Exterminator came today and I spent the day cleaning and disinfecting again. Avery hasn't had another diarrhea diaper since school yesterday. Could we be over this thing?? Could it have actually been a virus that lasted this long? Or maybe something else that they just are getting over now and the doctors couldn't find?

Wow! What a week!!

Avery's First day of Preschool!

2010-05-03T22:42:00.000-04:00

Today was Avery's first day of preschool! I spent all weekend prepping him for going to school. I'd ask him "Are you going to school on monday?" "Are you going to have fun at school?" "You're going to school like a big boy!" Etc, etc.

This morning when he woke up I got him dressed, fed, etc for school. I got his backpack together with his change of clothes and a bag of diapers and wipes. I asked him again if he was going to school and he responded with a "yeah!" I asked if he was going to have fun and he replied with "yeah!"

I also got the other boys ready for school. Of course I was running late this morning. I was trying desperately to leave the house and every time I tried to walk out the door one of the boys needed something else or had to go to the bathroom, or "forgot to have me sign something". I ended up leaving the house at 9:15 and all 3 kids have to be at school (at 2 different schools I remind you!) at 9:25. I managed to grab a few pics of Avery while we were heading out to the car.

I dropped the older boys off at their school and made a quick U-turn to book it over to Avery's school. I got stuck behind the school buses though of course.

I was planning on parking at Avery's school and walking him up to the teachers at the front of the school. Because I was running late though I pulled through the carpool line and pulled right up to the curb and threw the car in park and jumped out to get Avery. He climbed out of the van and the speech therapist came over to take his hand. The minute she got to Avery he immediately high tailed it back into the van. Started screaming and crying yelling "No mama!" "No mama!" over and over. I tried to tell him I was just going to park the van, but that wasn't working. It ended up taking 3 people (2 at his feet and 1 at his arms) to carry him out of the van and to the sidewalk. I jumped in the van and bolted out of there. I didn't even get the van into drive before I started bawling.

What kind of horrible mother leaves their child who is screaming bloody murder with people who are complete strangers to him?! He doesn't know how to communicate with them!! He's scared to death and I just dropped him and ran.

I kept telling myself the whole way home "He's probably fine now! He got into the classroom and as soon as he saw the toys and everything he stopped screaming." I called my sister who told me they wouldn't let him scream for 2 hours and she reassured me that he was probably fine!

I spent the whole 2 1/2 hours he was gone wondering if he was ok. I was practically begging the clock to hurry up and get to 11:20 so I could go pick him up.

At 11:20 I left out of here so I could park at the school and make sure I was standing out front when they came out so he would immediately see I was there to get him. At 11:40 I saw one of the ladies who work in the main office walking by and asked her if I was in the right spot for the preschoolers. There wasn't any other parents there and I was beginning to wonder if I was in the right place. She told me I was and that they don't usually come out till 11:55am. I swear the preschool teacher told me 11:40! So I sat around a few more minutes. A few moms showed up and I spoke with them (who all highly raved about Avery's teacher, though none of their kids have Avery's teacher). The door opened and Avery's class started coming out. He was holding hands with another kid (think buddy system) and the kids all walked in a line over to the school bus where the kids started loading. When they got to Avery the lady said "oh no, not you sweetie..mommy's right there to get you!" Avery turned around saw me, and started bawling. I picked him up and asked if he had fun (which I got a "no" from him).

The teacher came over and told me how wonderfully Avery did, and how he stopped crying immediately and was already done crying before they even went into the classroom. While I was talking to the teacher Avery was busy screaming at the top of his lungs and pointing to the bus.

He wasn't mad at me for leaving him!!! He was mad that he couldn't get on the bus with all the other kids!!

The teacher said to me "see he wants to ride the bus with everyone else! They all do!"

During his IEP meeting I filled out the paperwork for him to ride the bus, so I can have him do it if I want to, I just am a little uncomfortable with him riding the bus and not communicating. I'll give him a few more days and if he still wants to ride the bus I'll set it up for him to take the bus home, and for me to drive him to school.

So the morning was horrible, but he did great! I asked him tonight if he was going to go back to school tomorrow and he said "No! stay home!"

*sigh* We'll see how tomorrow goes!

What a weekend!

2010-05-03T22:24:00.000-04:00

So we started the weekend off with a stomach bug going through our house! YUCK! So we spent Friday and Saturday cleaning up poop and puke. What fun! (notice the sarcasm!)

On Sunday everyone seemed to be feeling better but we spent the morning and afternoon making sure someone else didn't get sick. We decided after dinner if the kids were still feeling good we would take them for an evening game of putt putt and some fun at the batting cages.

Some pictures from our fun! :)

Completely different Friday

2010-04-30T12:22:00.000-04:00

***NOTE*** this entry is filled with total mom things. Liquid poop and sickness and all that. If you don't want to read about it, click the little X now! LOL

I typically link up for Letters of Intent and for Friday Follow on Fridays. Today I'm not doing either of those. Why you ask?!

I woke up this morning to an explosion of liquid poop all over the place from my 3 year old. Going from dead asleep to cleaning up liquid poop is not my idea of a good start to my day! I figured it was a fluke and after cleaning it up and steam cleaning the carpet in his bedroom, the hallway, the stairs, and his mattress (yes those are all places the poop wound up.) I got the older boys dressed, fed, and made their lunches. I got them off to school and came home. I grabbed a quick breakfast of a bagel and started getting ready to take Avery to speech therapy.

After I got Avery dressed for therapy and started getting myself together I heard Avery coming up the stairs. As he was climbing the steps I saw his pants were wet! I asked him what he got into and he just said "wet". I laid him down to change his pants and immediately knew what was all over his pants. It was another explosive poop!! It was everywhere again. I stripped him down and seriously wiped his whole bottom half down with baby wipes. I grabbed the steam cleaner and cleaned it up from the dining room carpet and steps again (it was just running down his legs onto the carpet). After that I knew it wasn't a fluke. I called the speech therapist to cancel our appt for today. The last thing I needed was to be at therapy and it happen again and go all over their office.

I have cleaned and steam cleaned more this morning, then I have done in the last year total. I am SO over it! And it's not even noon yet! So not looking forward to the rest of the day!

I also have been fighting the preschool for the past 24 hours. See Avery is supposed to start preschool Monday. The preschool teacher emailed me saying she's trying to qualify Avery for "summer services" and needs his progress reports from the infant and toddler program in order to do so. I don't have any of those records! When we moved here from PA back in October I got rid of all of that. When we moved here they wouldn't put him in the infants and toddler program here in MD because he was to close to his 3rd birthday. So he went straight into the school system. I told her I have records from the private therapists he's been seeing and I could bring those. She told me the school system won't accept private therapy records.

Grrrrrrrrrr

I'm so sick of fighting these people!!! I ended up calling our old caseworker back in PA and left a message for her. Hopefully she can send me the records I need without any problems. According to Avery's private speech therapist the "summer services" aren't worth all this hassle anyway. She said it's only 4-6 30 minute sessions. It isn't a whole summer of services. Totally makes me not want to deal with all of this.

And with all that I'm off to change Avery again and prepare the steam cleaner for another round. *sigh*

Guess What?!

2010-04-28T22:53:00.000-04:00

So today I broke some news on facebook. I feel it's only right to now blog about that news.

So here's the news....

Yep you read that right. I'm pregnant.

I told my family earlier today and felt like I could now share the news on facebook and my blog. It was definitely not planned. But as the news is sinking in I'm trying to get used to the idea. This pregnancy is a Nuva ring failure! My sister said her neighbor is also expecting her 4th and it was a nuva ring failure too!

My first words to the doctor?! "HOW?!" "Umm it's called a birth control failure" he responded.

Well DUH!

I'm due around November 28th. This will be another c-section so I'm sure we'll schedule it earlier than that. I'm hopeful that they'll do it before thanksgiving. Enough time before thanksgiving that I'll be out of the hospital and home to enjoy thanksgiving. What are my chances of that huh?

We haven't told the boys yet. Not sure when we will. I think telling them to earlier is wrong because 9 months is a long time for them to wait for a sibling. I'm thinking maybe once I'm showing and you can "feel" the baby from the outside of my belly. So it makes it more real to them.

And how will this affect Avery? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Way Back Wednesday!

2010-04-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

Got this idea from Holly over at Elusive Tranquility.

This post was made October 16th of 2003!

Aidan turned 20 months yesterday. It's hard to believe he's that old already! 4 short months till he's 2. And 2 1/2 short months till he's a big brother! Here are some pics taken yesterday. He's wearing his Elmo slippers that I bought yesterday at Walmart and now he hasn't taken them off since!

Oh Insurance...

2010-04-27T22:21:00.000-04:00

Oh insurance company, you were rude to the wrong person. I have fought to long and to hard for you to go and try to screw me now!

See Today I went to the mailbox and got the mail. In the mail was an EOB. Everyone knows what that is right?! For those that don't know, an EOB is an Explaination of Benefits. The insurance company sends one to you everytime they have to pay a claim. Now most people probably don't even look at it. But when you have a child with special needs that sees multiple therapists, doctors, has lots of assessments and tests, you tend to look at everything. So I opened this EOB and nearly had a heart attack. I saw at the bottom "Patient responsibility: 702.48" Oh My God!!! I immediately started scanning the EOB. The explaination was for speech/occupational therapy that Avery received while we were still living in Pennsylvania. It was therapy done at Hershey Medical Center. It showed what they billed the insurance and then that the insurance only paid a little over 100.00 on each session for a total of 4-5 sessions. Next to each session was the code "30". At the bottom of the EOB it shows the codes and what the codes stand for. Next to the "30" was the words "Not a PPO provider"

What?! I KNOW the therapists called the insurance and I personally went back and forth with the insurance multiple times fighting them to cover his therapy. There was no other provider in our area that could treat for the things he needed to be treated for. They authorized this therapy! They said they would cover it at "typical PPO provider rates." That means they would cover 90% for the therapy.

I immediately called my husband who told me "Oh no, you better call the insurance right now."
"Should I wait and see if we get a bill?" I asked him.
"No! You call them and take care of the problem before we get a bill!" He replied.

I took a deep breath and called the insurance. You see the problem with my husband's insurance is that he works for a Union. Because he works for a union they have a "health fund" which takes care of paying all the insurance claims. We have Cigna PPO insurance, but they are just the "go between" really. The ones that I have to deal with every time I have a question about benefits, or coverage, or I have to fight them to cover something, I have to deal with The Sheet Metal Workers Local 100 Fund Office.

Calling them is torture. Why you ask? Because they are the rudest people ever. Every single time I call they talk to me like I'm a complete moron who is not worth their time. See this was our exact conversation this afternoon:

Them: "Sheet Metal Workers Local 100 health fund."
Me: "Yes, Hi! I have a question about an EOB I received today. I don't know if I should talk to you, or maybe someone else?"
Them: "Oooookay (real attitudish) are you a doctor, insured, what?"
Me: "My husband is the insured, I'm calling about an EOB for my son, who is a dependant."
Them: "And do you maybe have a claim number or anything?"
Me: "yes, I do the claim number is *******."
Them: "Ok let me look at my copy" *pause* "And what is the problem" (again with the attitude!)
Me: "I don't understand why my portion is so much."
Them: "Well if you look right there it tells you that it isn't a PPO Provider"
Me: "I understand that, but if you would look in our notes you would see that my son has special needs, and there's a note in his chart that says these appts are covered at the 90% rate. It was pre-approved through you guys before he ever went there." (now I was getting mad because she was being so rude to me!)
Her: "well then maybe they never looked at your notes, hold on a second."
Her: "Ok I see the notes in your file, Obviously they never looked at your notes before paying the claim. I will resubmit this claim to be redone."
Me: "I appreciate that. Thank you."
Her: "Uh huh, bye"

Seriously, is there any need to be so rude to me? It isn't like you aren't being paid to deal with this stuff. It is your job to answer the phones NICELY I might add and deal with this stuff. So why do you have to be so rude?

They really should hire people who are more people friendly.

This isn't just a one time thing either. It's every single time I call. No wonder I get the comments from the doctors offices "gosh, they're just a peach to deal with" (sarcasm if you can't tell), When the doctors office calls to verify benefits or anything. So they aren't just rude to me!

So Cigna PPO or Sheet Metal Workers Local 100 if you see this blog post, maybe you could hire people who actually like their job and like talking to people. Cause you aren't making a very positive impression on people.

*yes linky love to them so it makes it easier for them to see this blog post!*

Post It Note Tuesday!

2010-04-27T10:53:00.000-04:00

Linking up this week again for Post It Note Tuesday!

Go make your own Post It Note Tuesday Entry and link up!

I Heart Faces - Week 17 (2010)

2010-04-25T23:17:00.000-04:00

This weeks theme is Smiles!

This week should be happy and fun! Only requirements for your photo are they it has a person in it and they are smiling. :)

My entry for this week is one that makes me smile each time I look at it!

I mean who can look at Undie heads without smiling?!

Now if you'd like to check out more picture that make you smile head on over to iheartfaces

Winner of the BellaGrace giveaway!

2010-04-25T21:56:00.000-04:00

We have a winner!

Our winning comment was #5!

lovelyritaann said...I'm a fan of your blog on facebook

lovelyritaann at sbcglobal dot net

Congratulations!!! As usual, the winner has 48 hours to respond to my email or a new winner will be chosen!

Thanks to everyone for entering!

Avery's IEP meeting Results!

2010-04-22T22:39:00.000-04:00

I had Avery's IEP meeting this afternoon. I was really nervous about it because I've heard so many horror stories about IEP's and the meetings. I was pleasantly surprised though! It was relatively painless and I really didn't disagree with anything they said!

Avery will be going to the "General Education" preschool at one of the local preschool programs in the public school here. It isn't our "home school" as our home school doesn't have the resources that Avery will need. But it's a school that is just as close as my older boys' school.

He will be going to school Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 9:20 till 11:40am.

He will be pulled out of class 3 times a week for 30 min for one on one speech therapy. He will also have a speech Aide in the class with him to help him during class to communicate and talk to other children.

He will get OT (occupational Therapy) once a month for an hour plus will have time during regular class time to do sensory exercises and will get ample time at the "sensory table" in class.

They will be referring him for a AAC (Augmentive Alternative Communication) device evaluation with the county to see if he can get a device that will help him communicate during class.

They will also refer him out for a feeding specialist to come out and see if he can get some feeding therapy.

I was asked if I wanted him to take the bus or if I wanted to bring him and pick him up from school. I told them I wanted to take him and pick him up. They said that was fine, but wrote in his IEP that he has the option of a bus. I was told doing it that way would help if next year I decide he's doing so well and I want him to start riding the bus they won't have to hold another meeting to authorize the bus usage for him. It won't go into effect until I say otherwise though.

He will start preschool May 3rd!! And he will have his first field trip May 12th!

I'm really nervous about how he'll do when I drop him off, but I'm excited to start this next phase with him. He's made amazing progress with the private speech therapy he's been getting and I can't wait to see what progress is made while he's in preschool.

They said the first month or two will be a lot of trial and error to see what works with Avery and what doesn't work. It will also be possible his IEP may change should they see things after he starts preschool that they need to add to his IEP or anything. I completely agree to that. I think they really aren't going to know what to do or what works with Avery until he's going to the school and they are spending time and seeing how he acts and responds to things.

So I really think it went well. I do need to email one of them (not sure whether I should email the teacher, or the special education director) because I want to ask if during the summer he'll be getting any therapy through the county, and also I want to ask again about them working with his private speech therapist because I don't see it written in the IEP about the private speech therapist.

I did ask if when Avery gets into Kindergarten if he'd be able to go to our "home school" with his brothers. I told them "I know this is a few years down the road, but I just want to ask." I was told it will really all depend on his IEP at the time. If he still needs the kind of speech help he needs now then no he wouldn't be able to go to our home school because our home school isn't equipped to handle his problems. If he needs other services besides speech he would also have to stay at this other school. If he just needs to be pulled out for speech therapy but everything else is ok (meaning he doesn't need the extra help of an Aide or anything) then he will be able to attend our home school.

Just good to know for informational purposes :)

If you're from Friday Follow, welcome!! Get yourself a cup of coffee and catch up! Glad you're here :)

What a Day!

2010-04-22T21:48:00.000-04:00

Today has been a whirlwind!! It all started at 1:58am, and yes I know it was "1:58 am" exactly because I've only been told 10 times today "I woke you up at 1:58am." Anyways. It started at 1:58am when my oldest son Aidan came in my bedroom.

"moooooooooom" (that's a whine mind you)
"What is it Aidan?"
"My bellllly huuurrrtts"
"Ok" I said as I somehow managed to stumble my way out of the bed. I took him to the kitchen and got him a drink. He gulped it down. We started walking back to the bedrooms.
"Can you sleep with me mom?"
"yeah, lets go to your bed." I said just wanting to go back to bed.

I got into Aidan's bed and put my arm around his belly. He must have woken up another 4-6 times between then and when Roy left for work at 5am. When Roy left for work I had Aidan climb into our bed and we fell back to sleep. At 7:30 I woke up to Austin asking if he could have breakfast. From 7:30 until 9am when we usually leave to take the boys to school Aidan stayed in bed and just moaned. Obviously he wasn't going to school today. I was still on the fence about whether he was faking it though. Once we took Austin to school I casually mentioned how he had karate after school and if he wasn't in school he couldn't go to karate. Around 10:30am he said "maybe I'll go to school after lunch." Ah ha! If he's well enough to go to school after lunch he was probably faking it right?! While I fed him lunch he whined how he felt like he was going to throw up. He cried that his belly still hurt. I said "well then you aren't going to school if your belly still hurts!" And hey if he was willing to miss karate he was obviously NOT faking it!

I dragged him along to a doctors appt with me, and then we came back home. My husband came home from work at 12pm so he could watch Aidan and Avery while I went to Avery's IEP meeting. (I'll write about that in another entry!)

When I got back from the IEP meeting, I was informed that Aidan was now running a fever. I called the pediatrician and they said they couldn't squeeze him in today, and told me to take him to the Nighttime Pediatrics. I called them and made an appt for 4:20pm.

I took off out of here to take him to the appt and sent hubby to pick up Austin from Karate. When we got to the urgent care it only took a few minutes for us to be called into the back. The nurse came in and Aidan was running a 101 fever. She immediately gave him a dose of motrin. The doctor came in and checked Aidan out, and said "I want to run a strep test on him."

"really? But he's not complaining about his throat."
"yeah, but I think it's a good idea to run a rapid strep test on him. If it's negative then I'll check into other things."

They did the swab on Aidan while he gagged and cried. A few minutes later the doctor came back in the room "His rapid test is positive" I was in SHOCK! He never once said his throat hurt, and when the doctor asked if his throat hurt he said no. She told me that step can sometimes cause belly pain in kids. They told me they could fill his antibiotic there at the office but didn't have enough for the full script so they could give him 5 days and then we'd have to go back to the regular pediatrician to get a script for the other 5 days. Umm why would I do that? Just give me the script and I'll go get the FULL thing filled at the pharmacy. We got the script and were on our way.

I went home and picked up some money to go get his prescription filled. When I got to the pharmacy it was an hour and 10 min wait!!! I dropped the script off and went back home. We then Ate dinner and I ran back up to the store to pick up the medicine. The one bright spot to my day?! Giant is still (or maybe now always does) running a free antibiotics promotion. So his medicine didn't cost me a dime! Woot!

Of course he still has to be home tomorrow, so I got a doctors note for that. Avery has speech tomorrow too, so I guess I'll have to drag Aidan along with me. Austin will go to school like normal. He looked so pitiful getting out of the car and walking into the school by himself today.

Hopefully Aidan is feeling better by tomorrow night cause I really could use a full night of sleep!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-21T22:19:00.000-04:00

Decided to participate in Wordless Wednesday this week :)

This picture was taken in February of last year and is one of my all time fav's of the boys :)

Post It Note Tuesday!

2010-04-20T10:07:00.000-04:00

I'm linking up this week for....

Bow and Purse Giveaway!!

2010-04-18T19:38:00.000-04:00

Yep, that right! I have another giveaway for you guys! This time I was contacted by a great bowtique who wants to offer my readers a gift! BellaGrace Bowtique has been kind enough to offer a wonderful prize to one of my wonderful readers!

The winner of this giveaway will receive a custom made (you get to design it!)

My First Purse

AND!

Custom made (you get to design it also!)

Bow!

Pictures are for illustration purposes only and are copyright of BellaGrace Bowtique

All of you mom's with little girls don't want to miss this giveaway!!

All you have to do to enter is this:

Requirement: You must fan BellaGrace Bowtique on Facebook. Please write on her wall that you were sent by Mommy's Hiding! You can get to her fan page HERE.

You must do that and then come back here and leave a comment on the blog that you are a fan of her page!

You can earn Extra Entries by doing these things. Each time you do one of these please leave a SEPARATE comment on the blog!

Follow my blog publically via google by clicking the little "follow" button on the right hand side.
Add my button to your blog!
Blog about this giveaway!
Follow me on Twitter HERE
Tweet about this giveaway! (you can do this up to 3 times a day!) leave a comment after each "tweet"
Become a fan of my blogs facebook page HERE!
Post this giveaway to your facebook page!

Please, Please, Please I can not stress enough how important it is for you to make sure you leave your name and email address in your comment if you are not a registered user!! If you win I need a way to contact you! Please don't leave an "anonymous" comment!

This giveaway will end Sunday April 25th at 9pm!! Good luck!!

Scentsy Giveaway Winner!!

2010-04-16T22:53:00.000-04:00

We have a winner!!

Comment #73 was Jess

Jess said...: tweet http://twitter.com/all_about_savin/status/12293272826 angelface041206 at yahoo Congratulations!!! You have 48 hours to contact me to claim your scentsy prize! I have sent you an email!

It's the After Party!!

2010-04-16T17:44:00.000-04:00

It's the After Party Post for the Ultimate Blog Party 2010!!

I had so much fun this week visiting new bloggers and gaining new followers (and friends!). I can't wait to do it all again next year!

A few of the new blogs I found are...

Barefoot With Children - Wonderful new blog I found that I'm really enjoying!

Dayngrous Discourse - Not only does she blog, but she tweets along with you too! Can't get better than that!

Pursuing Harmoney - Another blog I'm REALLY enjoying following now :)

There were SO many bloggers I met and I'd love to list all of them, but I have children and for some unknown odd reason they demand my attention!! Darn kids!! hehe

So who did YOU meet during this week?!

Letters of Intent Friday!

2010-04-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

Linking up with Foursons for Letters of Intent Friday!

Dear Speech Therapist:

You may remember I wrote a "letter of intent" not to long ago HERE to you also! This week I'm writing because it is very much annoying me that it seems like every other week you are canceling speech therapy for my son! I got your email the other day stating that you "won't be in the office friday" and I responded to let you know I got your email. Although instead of saying "thanks for letting me know" what I wanted to say was "again? It's not very helpful to my son if you "aren't in the office" every other friday!" I have a feeling a lot more letters of intent will be written to you.

The lady who pays you a LOT of money and expects you to work more than twice a month!

Dear my two older boys:

I'm glad you liked your first karate lesson yesterday. You guys have been wanting to take karate for a while now and I'm glad they offer it after school at a reasonable price. Is a coincidence that an hour after getting home from karate your little brother had a bloody lip?! I think not! I've told you a million times that you are not to be using the karate you learn against each other. If I have more blood to clean up anytime soon you may just see MY karate chop!

Your loving mother who can kick a lot harder than you!

Dear 3 year old:

Honey, baby powder is not supposed to be dumped all over the room. Nor it is supposed to be eaten. I agree that baby powder smells really good, but I have a feeling my vacuum is going to be blowing baby powder smoke for a month!

Love the lady who now needs another bottle of baby powder.

Friday Ramblings!

2010-04-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

I hope everyone has had a pretty good week! If you're here from Friday Follow Welcome! Get yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy catching up! While you're here enter my Scentsy Giveaway a few entries back! It closes tonight!!

My boys started Karate yesterday after school. It was their first time ever taking Karate and they were so excited. After karate was done I picked them up and we came home. I was upstairs putting groceries away, and they were downstairs playing. Next thing you know Avery (my youngest) was coming upstairs and he had blood all over his face!! I found the blood coming from his lip. Coincidence that they take karate for the first time after school and that evening the 3 year old has a bloody lip?! I think not!!

Of course "not me" and "I dunno" did it. I eventually found out that my 6 year old was "showing Avery some karate kicks" when it happened. I guess he was showing them to his mouth!

Last night we booked our "family vacation". I can't wait!! The boys don't have any clue but I know they'll be so excited. We'll be going to Great Wolf Lodge in VA at the end of June! We've never been there, but I've heard AWESOME things about it.

Uh oh...seems the 3 year old has coated himself in baby powder!! Guess that's my cue to end this!

Catoctin Zoo!

2010-04-14T22:59:00.000-04:00

Today I met my sister and my niece at Catoctin Zoo in Thurmont, MD. We took our youngest kids there for a day of fun and animals! Our two little ones are really the best of friends and it's always SO nice when we get together and have some fun with them.

Of course I have to share some pictures from the day :)

And finally a video of my niece and Avery going down this steep slide they had at the playground there. They must've gone down it 10 times and after the first or second time my niece learned how to catch herself, but Avery would fall every single time without fail. The horrible mothers we are, we laughed so hard each time! LOL No worries, he always got right up and kept going and he isn't as close to that bench as he looks.

So tell me what you think...

2010-04-12T23:15:00.000-04:00

I mentioned in my last blog that I will be co-coordinating the Baltimore Area Apraxia walk this year. This is something that is so near and dear to my heart because of my son. I was asked to write a "blurb" to put on the main Area Website that tells about Avery and Apraxia with a picture of him. This is what I came up with. I'd LOVE any comments you can share! Good, bad, or ugly! I know I can count on you!

This is Avery. Avery is a bright, sweet, loving 3 year old boy. Avery loves all the typical boy things. He loves to wrestle, rough house, climb, dig, and play with trucks. Like a typical child Avery loves all things Curious George and trains. What sets Avery apart from the typical child you would never know unless you tried speaking to him.

At 3 years old Avery has the expressive language of a 1 1/2 year old. Avery receives private speech therapy and will require intensive private speech therapy for quite some time. Avery talks up a storm, but a perfect stranger can only understand 10-20% of any of the words Avery says. Avery has Speech Apraxia.

Speech Apraxia is a neurologically based motor speech disorder. Apraxia causes children to have difficulty making sounds, syllables, and words. The brain knows what the child wants to say, but there is a problem getting the signals needed to move the child’s lips, jaw, and tongue in order to produce speech. Children with apraxia of speech require frequent and intensive speech therapy designed to improve the planning, sequencing, and coordination of oral muscle movements for speech.

Think how wonderful it is to hear the first time your child's gentle little voice says 'I love you'. My son Avery has yet to say those three sweet words but with the help of CASANA (Childhood Apraxia of Speech Association of North America) and many others he is on his way to learning how. Please help us raise awareness.

In addition, all proceeds from this walk-a-thon will benefit CASANA research and projects for children like Avery

So?! Tell me what you think.

Exciting Stuff!

2010-04-11T10:54:00.000-04:00

I was contacted a couple weeks ago by the lady who coordinated the Apraxia walk for this area last year. She told me she was planning another walk this year and wanted to know if I would be interested in Co-coordinating the walk this year with her! I absolutely jumped at the chance! What an awesome opportunity! She told me that she has applied with the county for the permit and was waiting to hear back from them on whether or not the permit was approved. She said once she heard back she would contact me again to start the process of coordinating the walk.

When I hung up with her I was SO excited. My team last year raised a nice amount of money and I'm hoping this year to exceed that! I'm also hoping to gain some more walkers walking with us for my son. And to be able to known as a co-sponsor for the walk is great!

The lady contacted me this morning to tell me that she got the permit back and it was approved. She has scheduled the park for September 18th! She wants me to write a little "blurb" for the main page of the Area Walk Website and also send her a picture of Avery. She wants to put a picture of her son and a picture of Avery on the main page and combine our blurbs into one big one. She would like it ASAP so she can send it to the main Apraxia Headquarters to be approved and the website be up and running. Then we'll talk about the next steps and what we want to schedule for that day and activities we will plan.

I'm so excited! Now I just have to figure out what to write! LOL

The older boys are supposed to come home today too! My Mother-in-law will be bringing them home this afternoon and then she'll spend the night here tonight and after dropping the boys off at school tomorrow we'll go shopping and then she's going to watch Avery while I go to a Dr.'s Appt. After that she'll head home.

When they get back today we're going to take them to play some putt putt. They've never been before and were bugging us to go before they went to my in laws. It's another thing we get to do free with our membership so why not?!

Until then I'm gonna try to get some stuff done around here. Guess I can't talk any of you into doing the dishes or laundry huh?!

If you have yet to enter my Scentsy Giveaway what are you waiting for?! Go HERE and enter! There's a lot of ways to gain multiple entries! And some of them you can do daily!

Cleaning Bathrooms

2010-04-10T13:57:00.000-04:00

So today I decided I had to get the bathrooms cleaned! I usually do my bathrooms twice a week. Hey, what can I say they get really really dirty considering I have 4 guys in the house who can't seem to aim!!

I once saw a sign and I really should have picked it up when I saw it cause I haven't seen it again. It said "My aim is to keep the bathroom clean...your aim would help!" That sign so belongs in my bathrooms!

I mean seriously! How hard can it be to actually pee without it going all over the front of the toilet and around the sides?! I've told my husband "I swear, when you pee you don't even look where you are peeing, you just swing it around until you hit water." He said I was right!! Yes, I'm dead serious. He said in the middle of the night when he gets up to pee he said he starts peeing and if he doesn't hit water he moves to the right a little bit until he hears it hit water.

Gross! He should totally have to clean the bathrooms!

Add in the fact that I have 3 little boys in the house, and the bathrooms can get really nasty!

I wish I could hire a maid to clean just the bathrooms. Ok, and maybe do the dishes, make the beds, wash the floors. *sigh* My list could go on and on ;)

Make sure you enter my giveaway too! You could win a "scentsational" gift!

Click here to enter!

Scentsy Giveaway!!

2010-04-09T21:55:00.000-04:00

CLOSED!!! Winner has been announced HERE!! Congrats!!

I was contacted today by a Scentsy Consultant offering a giveaway to my awesome readers!!

If you've never heard of Scentsy you are missing out!

Scentsy wickless candles are highly scented bars of wax called “Scentsy bars” that melt at a very low temperature in our specially designed electric warmers. Since Scentsy bars are not burned using a flame & they melt at such a low temperature, the “Scentsy system” poses NO danger to children or pets! Scentsy bars contain more fragrance than our competitors jar candles & Scentsy bars are less expensive too!
With over 80 Scentsy bar fragrances to choose from & over 40 warmer styles & colors to choose from you’re sure to find something you’ll love.

For this Giveaway you'll receive a car candle and room spray set OF YOUR CHOICE!!

How awesome is THAT?!

What do you have to do to enter the giveaway?

There is one REQUIREMENT!

Become a "Fan" of ScentSational Scents by Kathy at Facebook by clicking HERE. You must post on her wall that you're being sent by Mommy's Hiding! Then leave a comment here stating you added her!

You can earn EXTRA entries by doing the following! (Please leave each extra entry in it's OWN comment!)
1) Become a fan on my facebook fan page! Do so by clicking HERE.
2) Follow my Blog by clicking the "follow" link on the right!
3) Add my button to your blog! You can get the code right on the right hand side!
4) Follow me on Twitter! Click HERE to follow me!
5) Post an entry in your blog mentioning my giveaway! Each time you post about the giveaway you can earn 1 entry! Just leave a seperate comment each time you post! (maximum 3 posts a day!)
6) Tweet about my giveaway! For each tweet you send out you can earn an extra entry!! Just add a comment each time you tweet! (Maximum 3 tweets a day!)
7) Tell people on your facebook page about my giveaway! Just Comment my facebook fan page letting me know you posted it! Then come back here and leave a comment!

The giveaway will close on April 16th at 9pm Eastern Time! Gives you plenty of time to get all your entries in!

Good luck!!

Ultimate Blog Party 2010!!!

2010-04-09T10:38:00.000-04:00

This is my first year participating in the Ultimate Blog Party and I am SO excited to have you here!! You can see an "introduction" post about me by clicking HERE.

Just a small tidbit about me:

I'm a 29 year old stay at home mom with 3 boys! Aidan is 8 and in 2nd grade, Austin is 6 and in kindergarten, and Avery is 3. My youngest has been diagnosed with Speech Apraxia, Sensory Intergration, Motor planning issues and low tone. It's been a long hard road, but he's receiving therapy and will be starting preschool where we're hoping he'll also make progress with some social issues.

I've been married for almost 9 years (will be 9 years in June!) to my husband Roy. He drives me INSANE sometimes (as you can see in the previous post!) But I can't imagine where I'd be without him.

I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you and follow you!! Please click the "follow" link over there on the right and follow me too! Let's go on this journey together!

You can become a "fan" on my facebook page by clicking here FACEBOOK or follow me on Twitter just click here TWITTER. How easy was that?!

There are so many cool prizes to be won at this year’s Ultimate Blog Party, but my top three picks would be:
$150 gift certificate to either Pedal Cars and Retro or A Rocking Horse To Love from 5 Minutes for Mom ( #1 and 3)
$50 gift certificate from Happy Panda. (#2)
Your Shape for nintendo Wii (# 72)
And if my top three picks are already chosen, I’d love any of the following (in NO order of preference):
88, 91, 6, 5, 18 or anything else!! Seriously, I'd be happy to win anything :)

You can join in the fun and come join the Ultimate Blog Party at 5 minutes for mom! Just click on the picture!

Letters of Intent

2010-04-09T09:41:00.000-04:00

I'm linking up again for Letters of Intent Friday! Go check out more letters over at Foursons by clicking the picture below!

Dear Husband,

I don't think you understand just how much you are irking me lately. Yes you're right, our two older boys are with your mom this week for spring break so I only have Avery (the 3 year old) home with me. Yes you're right that with 2 of the 3 gone it's a lot easier on me. Yes you're right that things are less hectic around here.

But let me tell you something. I have EVERY right, I have DESERVED to slack off this week. Yes you're right, the laundry hasn't been done, I haven't steam cleaned the couch like I said I was going to, I haven't cleaned the bathrooms, and I haven't mopped the floors. I have spent a GOOD PORTION of this week sitting on my butt.

Just because I haven't done everything you've wanted me to do, doesn't mean I haven't done anything at all. I DO still have a 3 year old here with me. A 3 year old that needs a little more attention then just turning on the TV and leaving him sit there. A 3 year old that STILL has therapy and appts and stuff to take him to.

How dare you act as if I haven't done ANYTHING this week. I deserve to take a week off when I finally after 6 months get a break. I still have cleaned up, and vacummed and I have still taken care of things around here. Just not to the extent that YOU think is ok.

Do me a favor, and until you are home all day long with 3 kids (one of which has issues that need to be dealt with) don't tell me what I should and should not be getting accomplished during the day.

Sincerely,
Your loving wife who is about to bop you upside the head with your "to do" list you left me this morning.

Spring Break!

2010-04-06T14:17:00.000-04:00

Wow I've really been slacking on the blog lately huh?! Sorry guys, I just haven't been in the mood to write I guess!

This week is Spring Break for my boys. They are spending the break with my mother in law though. We took them up for Easter and she'll bring them back on Sunday at some point. They've been begging to go to her house and ever since she retired and moved 4 hours away, they haven't seen much of her. We made plans for them to spend spring break and they were totally excited to do so.

As you saw in the last entry we had a pretty nice Easter at the in laws. On Sunday evening hubby and I came home with our youngest son. He came so close to staying there also, and part of me wishes he had, but I also didn't want him to miss therapy this week so I'm glad he came back. When we got him in the car and he saw his brothers were staying he started sobbing. these heartbreaking sobs. Big crocodile tears started rolling down his cheeks and he just kept sobbing "Mama No!" "Mama No!" It broke my heart. We asked him if he wanted to stay with grandma and brothers and he said "uh huh" I explained to him (the best you can to a 3 year old) that if he stayed with them he would have to stay until grandma brought him home. I told him mommy was going to go home and that I wasn't going to be staying there. He got out of the car and I got out also and started giving my mother in law his clothes to keep there. I don't know what Avery did but my father in law yelled at him. I heard him say "No! Stop that!" and suddenly Avery started screaming. That was all it took for Avery to climb back in the car and no longer want to stay there.

I got the clothes back from my mother in law and we drove away. We got down the road and Avery fell asleep. He woke up about an hour and a half into the ride and we stopped at the gas station and I took him inside to get a drink. We still had 2 hours left till we got home, but luckily he only slept that first hour and a half.

I'm trying to think of things to do with him while the boys are gone this week. Thought about taking him to the nearby petting zoo, or maybe to someplace else that he'd enjoy. Not quite sure yet though.

I have some more cleaning and stuff to do while the boys are away too. I'd like to get it completely done before they get back. Here's to hoping huh?!

Hope everyone else is enjoying spring break with their kiddos or at least enjoying the great weather!

Easter 2010!

2010-04-04T21:25:00.000-04:00

Had a great Easter at the inlaws with the boys. The two older boys are staying with the inlaws this week during spring break, so I've only got the youngest home right now! Looking forward to the break!

So here's some pictures from our weekend!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend also!

Give Me Your Best Shot!

2010-04-02T10:05:00.000-04:00

Linking up again this week for Give Me Your Best Shot!

Yesterday my youngest son and I went to the Zoo with my stepmom and my little sister. My older boys were still in school, but my little sister was already on spring break (my boys started spring break today).

I got a few really cute shots of my sister and youngest son. Those two are two peas in a pod when they are together.

Love it!

Link up and check out the other "best shots" this week!

Give me a few of your...

2010-03-30T18:03:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I'm trying to find some new interesting good blogs to read! Every time I click that "next blog" link at the top I get some stupid blog in another language or I get an error message.

So tell me...

What are some of your favorite must read blogs???

Come on, don't be shy!

Hey It's Ok Tuesday!

2010-03-30T10:49:00.000-04:00

I got this idea from Amber. She has written on her blog:

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. I think I’m going to do this every Tuesday now. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary.

So I'm doing it with her this week!

Hey It's Ok....

To not be able to wait to get your kids off to school each morning.
To not be a coffee drinker, yet when you buy a Keurig suddenly you can't stop drinking the stuff!
To tell your children to go bother daddy you're on the computer!
To wish it was summertime so you could send the kids off to grandmas for a few weeks
To enjoy going to the gym because it gives you "me" time.
To not like the show LOST even if everyone online seems to talk about it all the time.
To secretly enjoy keeping up with celebrity gossip

Feel free to join up and participate in It's Okay Tuesday also!